Lactation Narration

Many babies go through a distractible or disinterested phase somewhere around 10-15 months, where baby seems much less interested in nursing. For moms who would like to wean around 12 months, this can be a window of time that can make that transition easier. If you are interested in weaning, you can use this opportunity to try some gentle weaning techniques.

One popular technique is “Don’t Offer, Don’t Refuse”. For this weaning method, you don’t nurse unless your baby has requested to nurse. You may already be doing this without having even considered that it is a weaning technique. If you had previously been nursing at specific times in your daily routine (such as upon wake-up, or before nap time), try seeing what happens if you don’t automatically nurse. Does your baby request to nurse, or get upset? During the distractible/ disinterested window, she might not notice that you haven’t nursed. You may be able to wean during this phase without much or any protest.

Distractible Sweets

For moms who would like to continue nursing, that is also possible. When Sweets went through this phase, she was about 14 months old. For me though, weaning at 14 months was not something I was interested in. It was my priority to nurse her until at least 2 years old.

If you are not interested in weaning, be careful not to fall into the “Don’t Offer, Don’t Refuse” pattern.  Consider “Don’t Offer, Don’t Refuse” a gentle weaning technique, and don’t use it if you are not interested in weaning. You will really need to continue to offer nursing through this phase. There were many times when I knew that if I did not offer, Sweets would not have asked to nurse. If I was interested in weaning, I would have just gone along with that – but I wasn’t, so I continued to offer. Once I offered, she would nurse, though maybe not for a long time.

I was also working out of the home through this, and while I considered quitting pumping (due to her age and that she could drink cow’s milk at daycare), I decided to continue pumping at work to keep up my supply. I wanted to make sure that there would be milk for the times when she DID want to nurse.  So that she wouldn’t ask to nurse one day and end up frustrated at the breast due to no milk.

I also continued to co-sleep and night-nurse during this time. Though I considered at least night-weaning her during the disinterested phase, I was afraid that if she wasn’t nursing at night that she would stop nursing all-together because she seemed to nurse the best and longest at night.

After about 6-8 weeks or so, the phase passed and she started to be more interested in nursing again. I successfully nursed her past her 2nd birthday, and she is still nursing once or twice per day most days now at almost 3 years old.

The previous (2005) version of the AAP’s (American Academy of Pediatrics) Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk document, had the following statements about breastfeeding beyond infancy (emphasis mine):

Pediatricians and parents should be aware that exclusive breastfeeding is sufficient to support optimal growth and development for approximately the first 6 months of life, and provides continuing protection against diarrhea and respiratory tract infection. Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child.

There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.

This was a very supportive statement for those of us who nurse beyond infancy, and even beyond toddlerhood into the pre-school years. I have pulled out this AAP statement many times to defend myself from those who would call breastfeeding beyond infancy not just un-beneficial, but actually harmful to children.

I have also used the AAFP (American Academy of Family Physicians) statement from its 2008 position paper:

NURSING BEYOND INFANCY
As recommended by the WHO, breastfeeding should ideally continue beyond infancy, but this is not the cultural norm in the United States and requires ongoing support and encouragement. It has been estimated that a natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years. Family physicians should be knowledgeable regarding the ongoing benefits to the child of extended breastfeeding, including continued immune protection, better social adjustment, and having a sustainable food source in times of emergency. The longer women breastfeed, the greater the decrease in their risk of breast cancer. Mothers who have immigrated from cultures in which breastfeeding beyond infancy is routine should be encouraged to continue this tradition. There is no evidence that extended breastfeeding is harmful to mother or child. Breastfeeding during a subsequent pregnancy is not unusual. If the pregnancy is normal and the mother is healthy, breastfeeding during pregnancy is the woman’s personal decision. If the child is younger than two years, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned. Breastfeeding the nursing child after delivery of the next child (tandem nursing) may help provide a smooth transition psychologically for the older child.

and the AAFP 2007 policy statement also states:

Breastfeeding beyond the first year offers considerable benefits to both mother and child, and should continue as long as mutually desired.

The AAP has released a new and updated document today on Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk. The new 2012 version does not say much about extended breastfeeding, only the following:

The AAP recommends exclusive breastfeeding for about 6 months, with continuation of breastfeeding for 1 year or longer as mutually desired by mother and infant, a recommendation concurred to by the WHO and the Institute of Medicine.

Mothers should be encouraged to continue breastfeeding through the first year and beyond as more and varied complementary foods are introduced.

While this is still supportive of breastfeeding beyond infancy, I wonder why this topic was not covered as fully in this revision? Was it an oversight? I would have appreciated more on this topic from the new AAP statement, not less.

I don’t know how she does it, but on weekends Sweets is like an alarm clock. She wakes up right at 7am, no matter when she went to bed.

But on weekdays, I often have to wake her up to get her ready for daycare.

This morning, I went to wake her up at 7:15, and she was grumpy!

Sweets, 2 years

She didn’t want to get dressed, she didn’t want to eat breakfast. But she did ask to nurse.

Sweets hasn’t been nursing in the morning every day lately. She used to always nurse twice per day: in the morning when we get up and when we got home from work. But lately, she skips one or even both of these some days. She skips the morning nursing more often, and I’d say she only nurses in the morning about 60% of the time lately.

But this morning, she wanted to nurse. And she didn’t want to nurse in this seat, it had to be in that seat.

THAT ONE!

I’m telling you, grumpy.

She nursed for maybe 20 minutes and got progressively happier and happier and more giggly and playful as she switched back and forth a few times between sides.

When she was done, she started just looking up at me with the most smiley, happy face! She was just so adorable!

I looked down at her and I said “Oh, I just love you!”

And she looked back at me and said “Yah Yoo Doo.”

Love You Too.

And my heart melted.

And then she happily got down and went to the kitchen to eat the waffle that was waiting for her. Then she trotted over to the door, ready to go, and said happily “Ass Doh!” (Let’s Go!)

I’m so glad we are still nursing. We can still turn a grumpy morning into a happy morning, just like that!

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This post has been cross-posted from my other blog, My Baby Sweets.

A mom told me today that she would like to nurse until 12 months, but she is hesitant to nurse much longer because she thinks that a child who can ask to nurse is too old to nurse. This is not the first time I’ve heard this kind of statement, that a child who can “ask for it”, or a child who can walk or one with teeth, is too old to nurse, and that these actions show that the child no longer “needs” to nurse.

The only reason I can think of why someone would link the ability to ask with the appropriateness of nursing is that they associate nursing only with infants. It has nothing to do with a biological indicator of readiness to wean being connected to the ability to speak. The act of a child asking for something can’t possibly have anything to do with a parent not giving it to them. Nobody thinks “if he’s old enough to ask for juice then he’s too old to drink it.” That makes no sense.

Sweets showing off her teeth at 2+ years

What she is really reacting to here is just her perception of “what babies do,” and talking/asking is apparently her cutoff between babyhood and toddlerhood. It’s similar to when others say that when he can walk he’s too old. There is no actual link between walking and nursing. These things actually have nothing to do with each other! Why would a child’s ability to walk show that the child no longer needs to nurse?

The emergence of teeth at least makes a little more sense when discussing weaning age, however it is obvious that an infant with a few teeth would not be able to survive on food alone, therefore the emergence of first teeth is also not a good biological indicator for weaning readiness. A better indication, if you wanted to use teeth, could be a complete set of teeth, which may happen around 2 years old (my 2.5 year old doesn’t have all of them yet though).

Aside from the fact that different children will walk, talk, and teethe at a wide spread of ages, these factors just do not indicate readiness to wean because there is no reason to think that nursing should be restricted only to infants.  Biologically, mother’s milk is still providing needed nutrition and immunities to toddlers, not to mention comfort, warmth, and attention.

Sweets nursing at 2 years

I’ve heard some say that a toddler no longer “needs” to nurse after 12 months because at that age he can digest cow’s milk.  I would counter that humans, in fact, don’t “need” to drink cow’s milk at all!  Toddlers do still have a biological need for milk, but while they could drink cow’s milk after 12 months, cow’s milk is still just a substitute for their mother’s milk, just as formula milk is a substitute before 12 months. The age when a formula-fed baby no longer “needs” formula and can switch to cow’s milk is not actually equivalent to when a breastfed baby no longer “needs” breast milk. Cow’s milk is not the end goal. As long as a child still needs milk in her diet at all, I would say that that child “needs” breastmilk, though of course other milks such as formula milk and cow’s milk are adequate substitutes when this is not possible or desired.

The latest nursing-in-public scandal involves a mother who was nursing in her gym (Pure Fitness). The gym did not want her to nurse in the child care area because they were concerned about children being exposed to breastfeeding without their parents’ specific consent. (It is interesting to note that no actual parent complaints were noted) The quote from the gym included:

We feel that children should not be exposed to these events without every parent being ok with their child being exposed to the action.

This incident reminded me of my own nursing-at-child care experience.  Munchkin never took a bottle, even when I went back to work full-time. One of the ways that I dealt with that was by nursing her at daycare on my lunch break each day. When Munchkin was 15 months old, she was scheduled to move from the infant room to the toddler room, and I was informed that I would not be able to nurse her in the toddler room at daycare. I was told that if I would like to nurse her, I could bring her into the infant room and nurse there, or into the staff lounge, but they felt that it was inappropriate to expose the toddlers to breastfeeding because some of their parents might object (though there had been no parental complaints at that time). I objected to this decision, and wrote a letter to the director of the center detailing my reasons:

1) Breastfeeding is not just for infants

By requiring a mother to nurse her toddler in the infant room, you are implicitly saying that nursing is an activity that is appropriate only for infants, which is incorrect.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) currently recommends breastfeeding for at least one year because of the associated health benefits to the infant. The US Department of Health and Human Services’ Healthy People 2010 objective is 75% of US mothers initiating breastfeeding and 25% still breastfeeding their children at 12 months of age by the year 2010. According to the CDC, in North Carolina currently only 61% of babies are breastfed initially and 17.6% are still breastfed at one year, which is below the national average, and falls far short of the recommendations. The statistics for working mothers are far worse. According to one study of employed US mothers who started out breastfeeding, only 58% continued after returning to work from maternity leave, and only 5% were still nursing at 12 months.

Breastfeeding continues to benefit toddlers nutritionally and psychologically. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) states that “Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child… Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother… There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.” (AAP 2005) The World Health Organization (WHO) exceeds the AAP recommendations and advises breastfeeding for at least two years. This goal is difficult enough to meet for working mothers who are separated from their babies for a significant part of the day, without the negative social pressure that you are currently a part of.

2) Breastfeeding is not indecent, and does not need to be hidden from other children or parents

When you ask me to hide my breastfeeding, it makes me feel that you think breastfeeding is dirty, indecent, or shameful (or otherwise why should it be hidden?). It makes me feel that you think my breastfeeding is something to be ashamed of instead of something to be proud of.  Breastfeeding is not obscene, indecent, or impolite. It is a normal, natural, everyday parenting activity and is a way for me to feed, comfort, and bond with my baby.

No parents have come forward to express discomfort with my breastfeeding at daycare as of this time, so removing me and my child from the room is a response to a potential future complaint. Even if others are uncomfortable, you are then putting the prejudicial social mores of those others above the real needs and feelings of myself and my child.

3) My right to breastfeed is protected by the law

North Carolina law gives me the right to breastfeed anywhere I am authorized to be, whether that location is public or private. If you wish to not allow me to breastfeed in the toddler room, then you would have to revoke my authorization to be in that room. This would go against your already existing open-door policy, as stated in the parent manual: “We do have an Open Door Policy for all enrolled families. Once enrolled, parents are allowed, and even encouraged, to participate in their child’s classroom and in Center events.”

North Carolina law states:
N.C. Gen. Stat. sec. 14-190.9
(B) Notwithstanding any other provision of law, a woman may breast feed in any public or private location where she is otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of whether the nipple of the mother’s breast is uncovered during or incidental to the breast feeding.

4) I enjoy being in my daughter’s classroom

Munchkin (18 months) in the toddler room at daycare

One of the things I like about visiting my daughter at lunchtime is that it gives me a chance to talk to her teachers about how her day is going and what activities they are planning. I also have the opportunity to see how the teachers interact with the other children, and this gives me confidence to leave my daughter in their care while I am at work. Breastfeeding her in the infant room instead of in her own classroom would not allow me to have this interaction with her teachers.

5) I want my daughter to feel “at home” at daycare

I want daycare to be a place where my daughter can feel free to be herself as she does at home. This means that I don’t want her to feel excluded or ashamed because she is breastfeeding. I fear that making her move to another room to breastfeed will make her feel that way, especially if she gets the message that breastfeeding is for “babies,” not for “big girls,” and that it is something that she can’t do openly at school.  I believe that you share these ideals, based on your educational philosophy which states: “We believe that young children need to feel safe, be loved and receive positive feedback and attention. We believe that all children need to be encouraged to develop their unique personalities and explore their interests. All children and their families are respected and valued for their differences.”

—–

I am happy to report that after reading my letter, the daycare director immediately withdrew her previous decision and told me that I was welcome to nurse my daughter in her classroom any time I’d like. I continued to nurse her on my lunch break until she was 21 months old, and the decision to stop at that time was completely mine.

I think that Sweets is night-weaning herself.  It’s odd, because this is not how it happened with Munchkin. I got pregnant when Munchkin was 27 months old, and I felt like I had to night-wean her at that time.  Munchkin would just sleep latched on all night!  It was a somewhat long process, but she responded well which helped me feel that she was ready.

Sweets is almost 26 months old, so almost the same age Munchkin was when I night-weaned her, but I haven’t even tried to do anything to encourage night-weaning yet.  She basically started to just sleep through the night without nursing, all on her own!

Our normal routine has been that Sweets would go to bed in her own room around 8pm, and I in mine around 10:30.  At some time in the night, she would wake up and call for me.  I’d go in her room at that point, and sleep in her bed the rest of the night while she nursed at-will.  It was the same with Munchkin, but Munchkin would nurse many times, sometimes almost constantly, when I was next to her.  Sweets typically nursed once in the middle of the night, and then once again soon before it was time to get up.

7am and still asleep!

One day about two weeks ago, she didn’t wake up to nurse at all until 6am.  I was very surprised, and even wondered if she might not be feeling well!  I didn’t expect it to happen again though, and wasn’t surprised when the next night she woke up at 2:30am.  But the 3rd night she slept through again, all the way to 7:30!  The next night she woke, and the next she slept through again.  For the first week, she slept through all the way to morning about half the time or more, and this week she slept through almost every night!  Maybe not all the way to 6:30 (when I get up), but until at least 5am.

I have no idea what prompted this sudden change.  My only guess is that she is having a developmental spurt – she is attempting more words and learning more signs rapidly – and that this spurt is affecting her sleep as well as her vocabulary.  And while I wasn’t trying to night-wean her at this time, I’m certainly not complaining!  She is now only nursing 2-3 times per day on weekdays – when she gets up in the morning, when I get home from work, and sometimes again before bed.  On weekends when we are together all day though, she tends to nurse more often.

I know that many of my peers have babies who will sleep through all night far before a year and would think that it was awful to have a 2 year old still waking to nurse nightly.  And I have other peers with 2+ year olds who really wish for a night without nursing.  But it really hasn’t bothered me so far, which I guess is why I haven’t done anything to discourage Sweets from night-nursing yet.

I recently saw that there is a new children’s book about night-weaning – Nursies When The Sun Shines.  The website claims that it is the first children’s book to focus on night-weaning.  I think that’s a great idea for a book, and I think it’s a brilliant addition for this demographic.  I think it will fill a niche, just as books like Adventures in Tandem Nursing, Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, and Maggie’s Weaning have done.  And I’ll probably end up buying it, even if Sweets night-weans all by herself without intervention, just to have it in our library.

Happy Birthday Sweets! Today my Sweets turns two!

Sweets, age 2

That means that I have officially achieved my goal of breastfeeding her for two years! Not that I had any doubt, after nursing Munchkin until she weaned on her own at 4+ years, that I could nurse Sweets for at least two years. But it is nice to meet the milestone!

Last night, we were out to dinner at a restaurant with the extended family. Sweets was starting to get restless by the end of the meal and wanted to run around the restaurant. This wasn’t something that I wanted her to do – I preferred for her to stay quietly at the table. So, I whispered in her ear, “Do you want some milk?” She immediately stopped, cuddled into me, and nursed until we were ready to leave.

Nursing Sweets in public, 14 months

I didn’t even think twice about it at the time, but today it occurred to me – I nursed my 2 year old in public, right there in the restaurant – I didn’t bat an eye, I didn’t think twice! I wonder if anyone noticed? I know my mother-in-law did – I did catch her eye, though I didn’t interpret her glance as disapproving at the time.

Did I feel this comfortable nursing Munchkin in public at this age? I don’t really remember. I know that I nursed her in public at our regular restaurant we went to every other week until she was almost 27 months old, but I think I was starting to feel weird about it around that age. If I had had an alternative at that time, I probably would have taken it. But that was our only chance to nurse all day, between my day job and an evening church meeting that I was going to every other Tuesday. My husband went out of his way to meet me for dinner in-between with Munchkin, so that I could see her, but also so she could nurse. I was nursing her in public at that age, but I was feeling a little self-conscious about it and would have preferred not to.

Nursing Sweets in public, 16 months

With Sweets yesterday, there was no necessity involved. I was even the one who offered to nurse her – she didn’t request it first.  I felt completely comfortable nursing her in public.

I’m sure that there are a few reasons, not the least of which being that I’ve been nursing for 5 years straight and I’m pretty used to doing it in all kinds of company by now! I think that with Sweets, there is also the issue that she feels younger than Munchkin did because of her developmental delay. At this age, Munchkin had a vocabulary of hundreds of words and was talking to me in sentences. Sweets has about 5 words that she says well, and about 50 signs, and if she puts two together it’s a big deal! So she just feels like a much younger baby to me.

I have never really been one who feels uncomfortable nursing in public. In fact, I have felt proud of nursing in public, feeling that I am helping to normalize breastfeeding. I have never used a cover that goes over my child’s head for nursing. I am not too worried about what other people think about me nursing a toddler in public – I think that I’m probably about as likely to encounter an issue regardless of whether I’m nursing a newborn or a toddler. My only experience with someone giving me a hard time for nursing in public was when Munchkin was only 5 weeks old, so it certainly wasn’t related to her age. In the past, I have said that I would always nurse in public without hesitation at least until I felt that my child could physically and emotionally understand the concept of waiting to nurse. Past that, I don’t know, I guess until it doesn’t feel comfortable to me anymore. I wonder when that might be this time around!

Until what age did you feel comfortable nursing in public? And did that change with subsequent kids?

I think I’m ready to call Munchkin weaned. It’s been 3 months since she last nursed. She was 4 years, 7 months, 11 days old.

Though Munchkin hasn’t nursed in 3 months, she has not wanted to call herself weaned. I have offered to read Maggie’s Weaning to her a few times, but she adamantly did NOT want to read that book, or to hear anything about being weaned.

But today was different. This morning, she came into my bed and Sweets was nursing. Munchkin coyly snuck up on my other side and said that she wanted some milk. I said, “You know what? I think you are weaned though.” She said, “I’m not! I don’t want to be weaned!” I said, “But you haven’t nursed in 3 months. That’s a long time. I think it means you are weaned. What do you think?” She just lied down next to me. I said, “We can hug and cuddle, how about that?” She agreed.

We went to church a little while later, and while the kids were in their Religious Education classes, I went and talked to the minister for a bit. I told her that I was thinking of doing something special to mark or celebrate Munchkin’s weaning, and did she have any ideas or suggestions for making such a ritual. She suggested a few things, like giving her a special cup to drink from, that didn’t really resonate that much with me (probably because Munchkin has been drinking out of a cup for years!). But she also suggested giving her a bracelet, perhaps something with links to symbolize our link with each other that continues even after weaning. I liked this idea. She also suggested doing some kind of ritual in the presence of a supportive community, if I have one. I’m sure not everyone has a community that would understand the significance of weaning in our lives at almost 5 years old, but I think that my LLL group should be the right environment for this. I will also admit that I ended up crying quite a bit during this meeting – I guess I have some serious emotions about the end of Munchkin’s nursing days. To her credit, the minister was completely understanding and supportive and never batted an eye that we were talking about my 4 year old weaning, not my 1 year old!

In the car on the way home, I brought up the topic again with Munchkin. I told her that I wanted to give her a gift to celebrate her weaning, and did she have any ideas of what she might like. Predictably, her first thoughts were of toys, but I told her I wanted it to be more special than toys. I mentioned the idea of a bracelet, but Munchkin wasn’t into that. She then suggested a necklace instead, and I said that might work and I would look for something. When we got out of the car, she was a little teary. She said, “I’m going to miss nursing.” I said, also tearing up, “I know sweety, I’m going to miss it too. But everyone has to wean some time.”

Then she asked me if I was sad when I weaned, and I told her that I couldn’t remember when I weaned because I was just a little baby. This seemed shocking to her. She asked, “Why?!” I told her that it was my mommy’s choice to wean me then, and that lots of mommies wean their little ones when they are just babies, and some babies never even nurse at all. She told me, “That is not right! It should be the kid’s choice when to wean!” I laughed a bit and told her that I thought so too, but not everyone agrees.

We looked on the internet for an appropriate necklace, and I think we found the perfect thing. It is a necklace that is made with drops of your own breast milk! I showed it to Munchkin and told her that this way she could still carry a bit of Mommy’s Milk next to her heart even though she isn’t nursing. She thought this was a great idea, and I think it made her feel a lot better. She was able to talk to me about being weaned for the rest of the day without seeming sad or upset.

At bedtime, I suggested Maggie’s Weaning again, and this time she agreed. She happily heard the story and was particularly excited at the end when Maggie is big enough to be a flower girl (as Munchkin is going to be in May) and ride a bike. She would like to have a weaning party too, just like in the book. It seems like she suddenly identifies with this book, whereas before she totally rejected it! She even asked if we could meet Maggie (to which I told her that based on the publication date, Maggie should be a grown-up now!).

Munchkin’s nursing journey was long and fulfilling for us both, and I’m glad that it tapered off slowly and at her own pace. I’m glad that she seems to be coming to terms with weaning now. We both may have some tears yet to come though.

Munchkin insists that she’s not weaned. She doesn’t care that the last time she nursed was over a month ago. It doesn’t mean she is weaned. Last night, while I was reading her story, she slyly unbuttoned my shirt and peered inside. Our conversation went something like this:

Munchkin, 4 years old, and me

Munchkin: Can I have some Mommy’s milk?
Me: You want Mommy’s milk? You haven’t had any in a long time. I thought you were weaned.
Munchkin: I’m NOT weaned!
Me: Oh, I just thought maybe you were, because you haven’t had Mommy’s milk in weeks and weeks.
Munchkin: NO, I’m NOT weaned!
Me: Oh, okay, that’s okay.
Munchkin: When I’m five, then I will be weaned. But I’m not five, I’m still four. So that means I’m NOT weaned.
Me: Well, you could be weaned now, if you wanted, even though you are still four. Would you like to be weaned? It’s okay, even when you are four.
Munchkin: NO, I will be weaned when I’m FIVE. When I have my birthday, then I will be five, and I will be weaned.
Me: Really? What happens special when you are five, that means you will wean then?
Munchkin: Then I will go to kindergarten.
Me: What does that have to do with weaning?
Munchkin: Kindergarten is different from preschool. When I’m in kindergarten I will be weaned.
Me: Oh, okay.
Munchkin: So I want some Mommy’s milk.
Me: So, let me ask you something else first. What makes you want Mommy’s milk tonight?
Munchkin: I’m not weaned, so I can still have it.
Me: I know, but you haven’t wanted Mommy’s milk in weeks and weeks. Why do you want it tonight, but you didn’t want it yesterday, or the day before, or the day before that? Do you know what I mean?
Munchkin: Well, on those days I was already full, but today I’m not, so I need some Mommy’s milk.
Me: Are you thirsty or hungry? Would you like some water instead? Or a cup of milk? Or chocolate milk?…
Munchkin: CHOCOLATE MILK!!!
Me: Would you rather have chocolate milk instead of Mommy’s milk? Or do you still want Mommy’s milk?
Munchkin: I want chocolate milk! Let’s go!
Me: Okay, we can do that.

So we went downstairs and she drank a cup of chocolate milk and ate a banana while I read her story. She didn’t have Mommy’s milk. She hasn’t had it in 5+ weeks. But she’s NOT weaned. Don’t even suggest it!

I wonder if being a nursling is part of her identity that she’s not ready to give up yet, even if she’s not nursing anymore.  For me, I’m not giving up my identity as a nursing mother yet, because I’m still nursing Sweets and expect to be for a long while still.  I think that in that way it will be much harder for me when Sweets weans, because I will be losing that part of my identity which has been so important to me for the past 5 years (and a few more years yet to come).  But as Munchkin weans, I am not losing my identity as a nursing mother, only my identity as a tandem nursing mother.  Maybe it’s harder right now for her to give up the idea of nursing than it is to give up nursing itself.

I’ve heard stories from mothers who practiced child-led weaning who said that nursing phased out so gradually that one day they just noticed that their child was weaned, and they didn’t remember when the last time was. Some have said this with regret, that they wish they could remember that last nursing. Knowing that I would want to remember Munchkin’s last nursing, I started tracking her nursings on the calendar when they became sporadic.

The last time Munchkin nursed was 3 weeks ago at bedtime when I sat down to read her bedtime story. It had previously been a part of our bedtime routine to nurse while we read the story, but we hadn’t done it for a long time. A week and a half prior when she had asked to nurse, she had asked in the morning when she woke up, which was the other nursing time that had once been routine for us. This night, as I sat on her bed with the Disney chapter book we had recently started reading, I said to her, “Really? You want to nurse? I thought that maybe you had weaned?!” She said “NoOh!” in that sing-songy way that says  “Mom, you are SOO silly.” I asked, as I have before, “Do you think that you might be ready to wean soon?” She said, “Well, maybe when I’m 5.” I said, “Oh, okay, we’ll see” and we nursed. For about 5 seconds! She was barely on when she popped right back off. I said, “That’s it? You’re done?” and she said “Yep” so she sat on my lap while I finished reading the chapter.

It has now been three weeks since Munchkin’s last nursing. She nursed 5 times in December, but not at all in January (so far). Is she done? Was that really her last one? I don’t know. She has gone two weeks without nursing before, but not three; this is the longest she has ever gone without nursing. But, I have been convinced before that she was weaned, and she wasn’t, so I’m not ready to call our nursing days over yet at this point. When will I be convinced that she is really done? After a month? Two months? More? I don’t know.

Munchkin this winter

Do you remember your child’s last nursing?  Did you make special note of it?  If you practiced child-led weaning, how long did it take for you to know that your child was really done?