Lactation Narration

“When I’m a Mommy, I’m going to feed my babies with a bottle.”

So said my four year old.  My four year old who still nurses and who doesn’t want to wean yet.  My four year old who never took a bottle as a baby.  My four year old who has never seen me give a bottle to her little sister.  My four year old who does not own play bottles for her dolls.  My four year old who begs to come with me to La Leche League meetings.

We were reading a book together.  Just a little board book that was laying around somewhere:  “Hippo Learns To Help”  In this book, Hippo is learning how to help take care of his new baby sibling.  This is something that Munchkin knows something about.  We have several books on this topic, and she likes helping out with Sweets.  So, Hippo is helping his Mommy make a bottle for the baby in this book.

Munchkin asked me “Why is that Mommy going to feed her baby a bottle?”  Now, Munchkin knows what a bottle is and what they are for.  She and Sweets go to daycare, and Munchkin knows that when Sweets took a bottle there it was filled with milk that I pumped while at work.  She saw other babies fed with bottles at daycare too.  But in our life, she also knows that bottles are for when Mommy isn’t around.  And when Mommy IS around, baby nurses.

This is consistent with another book we have about big siblings helping out with a baby sibling:  “What Baby Needs” from the Sears library.  In this book, Mommy nurses the baby, “Or, when Baby is older, Baby may be fed Mommy’s milk from a bottle if Mommy has to be away.”  The pictures show Mommy nursing the baby, and Daddy feeding the bottle.  This is consistent imagery for Munchkin, for what she sees in our family.

So for Munchkin, the question wasn’t “Why is that baby feeding from a bottle” as much as “Why is that Mommy feeding her baby from a bottle.”

I told her that not all Mommies nurse their babies.  Some Mommies feed their babies from bottles sometimes and nurse sometimes.  And some Mommies only feed their babies from bottles.  I pointed out that her baby cousin doesn’t nurse, she only eats from a bottle.  Of course, she wanted to know “Why?” so I just said that some Mommies have trouble nursing and some Mommies don’t want to nurse, so they feed with bottles instead.  She said “But you don’t” and I agreed.  I told her that I like to nurse and that I don’t want to use bottles.

And that’s when she said, “When I’m a Mommy, I’m going to feed my babies with a bottle.”

“And are you going to nurse too?”

“No, just use a bottle.”

Now, I don’t really think that what she said in that moment indicates what she’s going to do when she grows up, but I still don’t really know what to make of that.  I don’t know what else I could have done to make nursing more normalized for her than what I have.  I have tried to be very intentional about it.  Did I go so far as to make bottle-feeding seem exotic and exciting instead?

The introduction to The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding specifies that “in addition to talking about breastfeeding, we’ll deliberately be using the word nursing because to us it means a connection that’s more than just the milk.”  When people talk about the “benefits of breastfeeding,” they are often really talking about the benefits of breast milk feeding.  What I mean is that we talk a lot about the nutritional value of human milk, the antibodies and immunities in breast milk, or the decreased risk for various medical conditions when babies are fed breast milk or when mothers lactate.  (See this list for examples.)  With such a focus on the milk, exclusively nursing or exclusively pumping are often considered synonymous, because both are feeding breast milk.  Even the word “breastfeeding” implies that it’s just about the feeding.

For a lot of people these days, breastfeeding is just about the feeding, about the milk.  And of course, the milk is really important!  But for me, breastfeeding is about much more than just food.  Breastfeeding has been one of the most wonderful and worthwhile experiences of my life, and it has been a major part of my relationship with my kids through toddlerhood.  I didn’t know it would be that way before I did it – I thought I’d nurse for about 6 months – for the immunities and because I though “that’s what people do,” and because I didn’t think it would work to nurse and also pump and work full-time.  When I decided to breastfeed Munchkin, it was just about the milk.  But once I became a nursing mother, it meant a lot more to me than I had imagined it would or could – it wasn’t just a feeding method, it was a parenting method.

When I say that I think breastfeeding is about more than just the milk though, people have accused me of being a bottle-hater and saying that bottle-feeding parents don’t love their children as much as those who breastfeed.  I would never say that bottle-fed babies are loved any less.  I’m am saying that breastfeeding can fulfill multiple functions in addition to feeding.  But I’m not saying that those other functions can’t also be carried out by substitute methods, the way that the bottle substitutes for the feeding function of breastfeeding.  Not only do bottle-feeding moms use these methods, but so do breastfeeding moms, and dads too!

A bottle can be used to satisfy hunger, sometimes thirst as well.  A pacifier can satisfy the need to suck for comfort.  Hugging and holding satisfies the need for closeness and warmth.  There are other opportunities for skin-to-skin contact.  Parents find many times for gazing into their child’s eyes.  Parents can find a variety of methods for helping their babies fall asleep besides nursing.  Parents can also find a variety of methods for re-connecting with their babies after a separation, or after meltdowns, tantrums, or punishments are over.  Parents can find other ways of comforting their child after shots, boo-boos, and other upsets.  There are other ways to alleviate air pressure in the ears on an airplane.  And, of course, parents find many ways of bonding with their babies.

I certainly would not say that babies who are not breastfed are not getting these needs met.  What I am saying is that breastfeeding can serve the purpose of meeting all of these needs in our family (and probably more), not just hunger.  Breastfeeding is a parenting tool that I can use for a variety of purposes besides just feeding.  I don’t see why it should be seen as offensive to bottle-feeding parents to say so, but that is often how it seems to be taken.

Imagine that I have a plain cell phone that just makes calls, and you have a smart phone that also sends emails and takes pictures and plays music.  When it comes to making calls, we can both get the job done.  And I can still send emails with my laptop, and take pictures with my camera, and play music with my iPod – I just need more gadgets to fulfill those purposes than just my phone.  That certainly doesn’t make me any more or less of a person.  And you can still use your laptop, camera, and iPod too, in addition to or insead of your smart phone if you choose.  But there’s no reason to pretend that a smart phone has no more functions and capabilities beyond just making calls, even if we consider making calls to be its primary function.

You often hear people say that their baby is using them as a “human pacifier,” as though the Nuk was the original and the breast was the substitute.  Some people worry that nursing to sleep or night-nursing are “bad habits”.  Some people think their babies should only nurse at certain planned intervals.  I think it’s because people often just put a big “should” on using the breast as a milk container, to satisfy hunger only.  I think that we have such a bottle-centric culture now that we think of breastfeeding like a “human bottle” – nothing more than a different feeding vessel.  I just disagree with this frame of mind.  Breastfeeding can be so much more than just a feeding method!

And I think that this notion that food should be the only purpose of breastfeeding is the root of many of the obstacles that nursing mothers face these days.  It can lead people to schedule nursing, which can lead to decreased milk supply, or even failure to thrive.  It can lead people to think “Baby shouldn’t be hungry again ALREADY!” and doubt their milk supply and start to supplement.  It can lead people to think they need to use a pacifier so that their baby won’t rely on them for comfort sucking, which may contribute to a poor latch for some babies or decreased milk supply for some mamas.  It can lead people to be stressed out about night nursing because they think that their baby shouldn’t “need to eat” in the middle of the night anymore.  It can lead people to believe that toddlers shouldn’t nurse anymore because they can acquire their nutrition elsewhere.  And it can also lead people to think poorly of nursing in public, because they think the mom should just schedule her outing around her baby’s feedings, or else just pump a bottle.

Food is the primary function of breastfeeding, but it is not the only function of breastfeeding.  I think it minimizes breastfeeding to imply that it is only about the food, and therefore equivalent to the bottle.  And I think that this cultural attitude makes it harder for breastfeeding mothers today.

Munchkin likes to watch Disney’s Bambi lately. She was telling me today that Bambi drinks mommy’s milk. I told her that yes, Bambi is a mammal, and mammal babies drink milk from their mommies. Then, when the “April Showers” scene came on, she told me that this is when Bambi drinks his mommy’s milk. In this scene, there is a small rain shower that turns into a big storm. During the height of the storm, all of the animals are scared of the thunder and lightning. Bambi tries to hide under his mommy. This is when Munchkin thinks he is drinking mommy’s milk, to help him feel better when he’s scared of the storm.

I love it that she knows that mammal babies drink mommy’s milk, and that she sees his mother comforting him with milk in this scene, and that that is a perfectly normal part of nature.

A recent opinion piece has been going around the breastfeeding circles. The author, the editor of a baby magazine, states that she formula fed and she gives several reasons why which are largely based in fallacy. Then she calls breastfeeding “creepy”. Sure, she can decide to do whatever she wants with her breasts. But I think that it’s a shame that she based her decision on what seems to be mostly misinformation. And then she’s passing that along as though it were true so now other moms will have those same misconceptions. I wish that when people were making that decision, they could at least do so with accurate information. I don’t blame her for talking/ writing about her personal experience or feelings, but I do blame her for perpetuating misinformation. I think that as an editor of a baby magazine, she has some responsibility to check her facts on a story like this, even if it is an opinion piece.

The problem this leads to is that some people in our society have come to view breastfeeding as “creepy” and don’t want to do it, but more than that, some feel that they don’t even want to witness others doing it either. But that is their issue, not the nursing mother’s issue, and I don’t feel that the nursing mother should feel that she has to accommodate them just because they have some whacked-out idea, like that the way that mothers have fed babies for as long as mothers have had babies is somehow creepy. In my opinion, that idea is creepy! And as PhD in Parenting says, “Our society is creepy for thinking that breastfeeding is creepy.”

While breastfeeding and bottle feeding mothers both probably experience judgment from the other side, nobody tells bottle feeding mothers that they can’t feed their baby somewhere that breastfeeding mothers could. When those judgments cross the line from opinions to policy, that is when it really goes too far. And telling a breastfeeding mother that she has to go somewhere else to feed her child, is a common example of that. If you think breastfeeding is creepy, I’m sorry you feel that way. So don’t breastfeed. Think poorly of breastfeeding mothers, even. But the minute that you tell me that I shouldn’t be able to breastfeed in your presence, you’ve gone too far.

If you don’t want to see breastfeeding in public, why is it that you think that YOU are so much more important than the breastfeeding mother? You want everyone else to make accommodations for YOU. How totally arrogant! So some people may be uncomfortable with it. But how uncomfortable? Maybe they will want to look away, maybe they will want to call security, maybe they will want to cause a scene and yell at the mother! But most people won’t even notice; and if they do, they won’t care; and if they do care, it will only be enough to think it’s distasteful and then they’ll move on. So you have to weigh the likelihoods here: someone somewhere may be somewhat uncomfortable with seeing breastfeeding vs. the breastfeeding mother who will definitely be greatly inconvenienced by not being able to nurse when/where she wants. You are talking about a possible someone with an undetermined level of discomfort vs a definite someone with a high level of discomfort. Why should the possible someone be given preference in this situation? Society does not need to validate and affirm the prejudices of the creepy camp by dictating that breastfeeding should be hidden from the public.

I previously talked about nursing in public and why I don’t “just pump a bottle” to go out. But the other argument given is that I should remove myself to a nursing room when I’m out in public so that the creepy camp doesn’t have to witness my creepy breastfeeding.

Yes, some places have a nursing room, and that is wonderful for those who wish to use them. When Munchkin was new and I was out alone with her, I was very happy to use them. But if I am out with others, or now if I am out with both Munchkin and Sweets, I don’t want to be isolated in the nursing room for 30 minutes while my companions have to sit and wait for me outside. A nursing room is a lovely option for those who want it, but nobody should be forced to use it if they are just as comfortable nursing elsewhere.

It’s not that I can’t use it. It’s that there is no reason for such inconvenience to me, my child, and my companions. It’s obviously possible to leave and nurse elsewhere, such as a nursing room (if one is even available), the restroom (yuck), the car (which may be far away, or hot or cold depending on the season), or to never leave home as has also been suggested. It’s possible for me to leave the table at a restaurant to nurse in the bathroom while my husband sits alone at the table staring at the wall and my food gets cold. It’s possible for me to bring Munchkin into the nursing room with me and have her sit and be bored while I nurse Sweets instead of letting her play on the play structure. It’s possible for me to sit in a dressing room and nurse while my companions shuffle around the store waiting for me. And sure, some people prefer to do that, and good for them if that is what it takes for them to be able to meet their baby’s needs. But that doesn’t mean that all nursing mothers should have to do that if they are otherwise comfortable nursing elsewhere. That is the choice of the nursing mother herself, not some stranger who might think it’s creepy.

I guess I’m still thinking about nursing in public. One of the comments that I often hear when discussing nursing in public is that moms should just pump a bottle to use when they go out so that they don’t have to see anyone breastfeeding. Some moms also feel like they can’t nurse in public and would prefer to use a bottle when they go out because they feel nervous or embarrassed to nurse in front of others.

I do not use bottles at all. What I mean is that Sweets takes bottles at daycare, but we never use them at home. Munchkin never even took a bottle at all, even at daycare! I nurse in public all the time. I even have a bumper sticker that says “Breastfeeding: Any Time, Any Where”.

When Munchkin was very young, and I wasn’t that good at or confident about nursing yet, I did feel nervous about nursing in front of people – even my parents and friends! I remember making everyone leave the room in the hospital so I could nurse Munchkin. And for her first month or two, I would try to find a back room to hide out in if I needed to nurse her when we were out. This worked fine when I was out by myself and such a place was available, but there were lots of situations when that didn’t work. If I was with others, it didn’t seem right to leave them for 30 minutes so I could go feed her, and many places didn’t have such private rooms anyway. I remember one time we were in a restaurant, and I even went to see if they had a chair in the ladies bathroom I could use (they didn’t, and I refused to sit on the toilet to nurse) and I ended up covering her up with a blanket at the table even though it was pretty hot outside and I felt really weird about that. I had an incident when she was 5 weeks old where the manager of a store told me I couldn’t nurse there, and that really upset me. But rather than making me hide more, it actually set me to researching what the laws were, why I was hiding, what people thought, etc. And I came out of that experience as a more confident mom who was determined to breastfeed my baby where ever I needed to – my priority was nourishing my baby, not conforming to someone else’s idea of propriety.

At this point, I strongly feel that a mother should be able to feel comfortable breastfeeding her baby in any location and with the same level of discretion as would another mother feel comfortable bottle-feeding her baby. I want breastfeeding to be seen as the biological and societal norm, and bottle-feeding to be the exception, not the rule. I don’t think that can happen as long as there is a social stigma associated with breastfeeding in public. We can’t tell people “Breast is Best – but not in front of me” – that just sends mixed messages. I think that telling people that breastfeeding should be hidden sends the message that there is something shameful about nursing, and I think that is dead wrong – I think that nursing is the way that we were designed (some would say by God) to nourish our young, and I think it is one of the most wonderful gifts of being a mother! Not to mention that it is by far the most healthy choice for the child. That is the main reason why I nurse in public I guess – I just believe it’s the right thing to do, on principal. And now there is also the fact that I have tried to teach this to Munchkin – that in our family, baby nurses when mommy is around, and when mommy isn’t around, mommy pumps milk for someone else to feed to baby in a bottle. As a result, mommy never feeds the baby with a bottle herself. I am modeling to her that nursing is the “normal” way for a baby to eat, and that bottles do exist and are often necessary, but they are the exception.

But there are lots of other, practical reasons not to “just pump a bottle” too:

• I work full-time, so when I am with my baby, it is important that she nurses to keep up my milk supply. A baby is much more efficient than a pump at getting milk out, so less nursing means less milk supply. She is already missing those feedings from the breast while I’m at work, and I don’t want her to miss any more than is necessary.

• There is the huge logistical problem of having to plan ahead to pump a bottle before we go and then bring the right amount, because you don’t want to waste it but you also don’t want to be caught short. Plus, I need to save that pumped milk for daycare and using it when I don’t need to seems like such a waste! Then I’d also have to keep it cold while out until I’d want to use it, and then find a way to heat it up. I think the logistics alone would be enough for me to never do that – what a major pain in the neck! If people had to do that instead of just nurse in public, of course nobody would nurse – it’s way too much trouble! One of the great benefits of nursing though, is that it is super convenient – nothing to remember to bring and it’s always the right temperature, ready and waiting when the baby wants it.

• And then I’d have to deal with my own breasts being engorged because I haven’t nursed, so now do I need to find a place to pump while I’m out instead of just nursing? And if I don’t and just deal with the discomfort, now my milk supply is going to go down because a full breast signals my body that I don’t need to make as much milk.

• Then there is the issue of whether the baby will even *take* a bottle, which Munchkin never would despite being in daycare.

• Sweets takes a bottle, but I also try to minimize her exposure to artificial nipples to avoid nipple confusion or preference, particularly in the early months. Nipple confusion means that she could develop a poor latch due to the difference in the way she has to suck to get milk from the bottle vs the breast, which would then lead to a lower milk supply due to poor milk transfer, or her refusing the breast altogether due to the difficulty in getting milk with a poor latch. Nipple preference occurs when a baby comes to prefer a bottle because the milk flows faster and they become impatient at the breast.

It is a priority for me to nurse for at least 2 years so I do not want to do anything that I could otherwise avoid that could result in a bad latch, a lower milk supply, or my baby weaning from the breast prematurely.  Nor do I think that I should have to manage a logistical nightmare just because someone else might be uncomfortable with nursing.

So no, I don’t use bottles when I’m out – I nurse any time, any where. I was nervous about nursing in public for the first few weeks when Munchkin was a baby, but I got over that a long time ago! I think it is common for people to feel nervous about nursing in public, but I think that it is a symptom of our society’s misguided and unfortunate view of breasts as primarily sexual rather than primarily nourishing. I hope that my nursing in public helps to normalize breastfeeding for future generations and that it inspires other mothers to be able to nurse in public if they are feeling nervous.

This morning I read about a mom who was asked not to breastfeed in the lobby of her child’s school. Though this mother knows the law and cited it to the principal, the school is still insisting that she cannot nurse in the lobby. This seems like an appropriate time to tell my own story of being told I couldn’t nurse in public.

It was June 2006. Munchkin was just 5 weeks old. We had friends in town to visit with us and see the baby, and we decided to go to dinner at a restaurant in the mall. This particular mall has an outside section and an inside section, and the restaurant we chose was in the outside section. While waiting for our table, we were walking around the stores nearby. My husband and his friend wanted to go to Sharper Image and shop there, so we went in. I was also interested in shopping there because I was looking for some kind of timer device that I thought they might have. The guys ended up wanting to check out all the gadgets and the massage chairs, etc, so we ended up in the store for some time.

This is how we were nursing

While we were there, Munchkin wanted to nurse, so I sat down and nursed her. She was only 5 weeks old after all, and couldn’t go very long without nursing and certainly couldn’t wait. I was wearing a nursing shirt – a shirt specifically designed to help you be discreet while nursing – and was not at all exposed. I was still pretty new at nursing, and wanted to be able to keep an eye on Munchkin’s latch while she nursed, so I did not want to cover her with a blanket, but I did put a burp cloth over the top section of my breast out of modesty.

I was approached by management and told I couldn’t “do that there”. The hospital where I gave birth had given me a little card when I was discharged telling me the state’s law about breastfeeding in public, and though I didn’t have the card with me, I was aware of the law. I told the manager that the law said that I could breastfeed anywhere I was otherwise authorized to be. He told me that he wasn’t aware of any such law. I wished that I had kept that little card in my diaper bag. He then said that I was in a private store anyway and that even if there was a law, it didn’t apply to his store. I said, yes it does, it applies to anywhere, public or private, that I am otherwise authorized to be. He repeated that he was not aware of any such law. He repeated that I could not nurse my baby in the store, and I repeated that the law said I could. I told him he could feel free to call up the police to clarify the law because I was quite sure it was a real law. Then he said that I needed to at least cover her head with a blanket. I had no intention of doing that though. Besides the fact that I preferred to be able to see my baby, it was quite hot that day and our bodies were still hot from being outside. In addition, there was NO part of my breast that was exposed anyway. I didn’t know at the time that he law does not require discretion, but his complaint was not that I was showing my breast, but just that I was breastfeeding AT ALL. He continued to harass me, and though I knew that I was in the right I was feeling quite flustered. My husband came to see what was going on (he had been shopping in another part of the store) and we decided we would leave the store without making our purchases.

NC Gen. Stat. Sec. § 14-190.9 (b) Notwithstanding any other provision of law, a woman may breast feed in any public or private location where she is otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of whether the nipple of the mother’s breast is uncovered during or incidental to the breast feeding.

When we got home, I went online and printed out the law. I also called corporate and complained. They said that that they were aware of the law and he should not have done that. They promised someone would get back to me to further discuss the situation, but that never happened. I went back to the store the next day and handed this manager a copy of the law. He never apologized, just said that he wasn’t aware of this law and now he knows. It was after this that I made up little cards with the law on them to carry with me, but I’ve never had a problem like that since.

Though this experience was very upsetting at the time, I can say that it is what turned me into an activist. I have researched the issue and talked to other mothers who have had similar experiences, and I stand up for them in hopes that it will not have to happen to more women. I think that most women probably don’t even know that there is a law that protects them, and many would not stand up for themselves even if they knew about it. I think that a lot of women would feel that they were the ones who did something wrong, and I fear that the experience might lead them to not want to nurse in public again. This in turn, might lead them to decide to stop breastfeeding earlier than they otherwise would have. In fact, societal pressure is probably one of the leading reasons why moms wean early. I am glad that we have a law about nursing in public, but it’s a shame that many people aren’t aware of it, and some who are aware disregard it anyway.

I hear a lot of talk about guilt regarding breastfeeding. Guilt from the mom who never nursed, guilt from the mom who quit. But what I feel is the guilt of the advocate who couldn’t help.

I have helped lots of strangers with breastfeeding advice. I have helped co-workers and acquaintances as well. Sometimes I know the final outcome, and sometimes I don’t. But I am able to separate myself from them enough that I know that I gave good advice either way.

Recently, a close relative (let’s just say that our children are cousins) had a baby and asked me for my advice on breastfeeding. Her baby was born at 37 weeks. She didn’t attempt nursing until about 8 hours later, at which time the baby was very sleepy and wouldn’t latch. The mom asked my advice and I suggested many things for her to try, but she seemed to be trying only half-heartedly. She said she wanted to breastfeed, but only pumped 2-3 times per day. She rarely offered the breast to the baby because the baby wouldn’t latch. I offered her my pumped milk to use instead of formula, but she refused it (I actually felt kinda hurt that she preferred to use formula than my milk). I even offered to try to nurse the baby to see if she could latch to me, and she also refused that (I knew it was a long-shot, but we are family after all).

I will tell you the way it turned out – she pumped very occasionally for 8 days and then quit. The baby got about 10 oz of breast milk total and never latched. I think that the mom feels totally fine about it. I don’t think she really wanted to breastfeed in the first place, just felt like she was obligated to give it a try. Her main motivation to breastfeed in the first place was just to save money – she never had an emotional attachment to the idea. I don’t think she felt guilty at all.

I, however, took it way too personally. I am the only person in her life who has breastfed, so I felt like it was my responsibility to help her because I was the only one who could – I was the only one who knew anything about it. I felt like it was up to me, that I was the only chance that baby had to breastfeed. And when the mom quit, it felt like MY failure – like I didn’t do a good enough job of helping her. I’ve helped lots of people, strangers even, with breastfeeding – I should be able to help my own family! I wondered: Should I have pushed harder, or backed off more? Or bought her things she needed, like a nipple shield, or a decent pump? Should I have talked to her more while she was still pregnant, or still in the hospital? In fact, I still feel bad about how it turned out, and unfortunately, I feel that sting of failure every time I see her feed that baby a bottle of formula. I think it has even affected my ability to bond with my niece. I can’t wait until she’s one.

I think that I got too invested. I made it about what I wanted instead of what she wanted. I wanted her to want to breastfeed. But if she doesn’t, I can’t help that. I can only help her if it’s what she actually wants too. That’s what I try to tell myself, but I still feel the pain of failure anyway.

Pacifiers are substitutes for the human breast. That may seem obvious, but with as often as you hear people say “she’s using me as a human pacifier,” maybe it’s not. A bottle-fed baby uses the bottle for food and the pacifier for comfort sucking. The breastfed baby can use the breast for both, and that is what is biologically intended. When a breastfeeding mother gives her baby a pacifier for comfort sucking, she may end up with lower milk supply due to decreased sucking cues. The comfort sucking helps your milk supply, so it is a good thing to do, particularly in the beginning when your body is adjusting. Pacifier use can also lead to a poor latch, which is another risk factor for poor supply. And studies show that breastfed babies who were given pacifiers in the first 6 weeks wean earlier than those who did not use a pacifier.

Munchkin never took a pacifier. We did half-heartedly offer it a few times, but she never wanted anything but me (she never took a bottle either). Sweets has always been more laid back in that way, and she did take the pacifier (and the bottle). I was concerned that overuse of the pacifier could lead to Sweets being held less and having less time in arms because it could be so convenient to just put her down with a pacifier. My pacifier “rules” were that the paci could be used in situations where I wasn’t available, such as at daycare or in the car. There were also times when Sweets wanted to suck but didn’t want the milk that was coming, which happened occasionally. I’ll admit that I didn’t always follow my own rules, and I did start falling into using the paci as a convenience for me when I was doing something else. I tried to remain aware of it though and not do it too often. Sweets used the paci from about 2-6 months, and then lost interest in it, even at daycare, so we are paci-free now.

I really find it very annoying when people say “human pacifier” though – as if we are the substitute for the nuk as opposed to the other way around! I think it really just shows the bias in American culture. I can see it now: breastfeeding mother complains that baby is using her as a human bottle!