Lactation Narration

The latest nursing-in-public scandal involves a mother who was nursing in her gym (Pure Fitness). The gym did not want her to nurse in the child care area because they were concerned about children being exposed to breastfeeding without their parents’ specific consent. (It is interesting to note that no actual parent complaints were noted) The quote from the gym included:

We feel that children should not be exposed to these events without every parent being ok with their child being exposed to the action.

This incident reminded me of my own nursing-at-child care experience.  Munchkin never took a bottle, even when I went back to work full-time. One of the ways that I dealt with that was by nursing her at daycare on my lunch break each day. When Munchkin was 15 months old, she was scheduled to move from the infant room to the toddler room, and I was informed that I would not be able to nurse her in the toddler room at daycare. I was told that if I would like to nurse her, I could bring her into the infant room and nurse there, or into the staff lounge, but they felt that it was inappropriate to expose the toddlers to breastfeeding because some of their parents might object (though there had been no parental complaints at that time). I objected to this decision, and wrote a letter to the director of the center detailing my reasons:

1) Breastfeeding is not just for infants

By requiring a mother to nurse her toddler in the infant room, you are implicitly saying that nursing is an activity that is appropriate only for infants, which is incorrect.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) currently recommends breastfeeding for at least one year because of the associated health benefits to the infant. The US Department of Health and Human Services’ Healthy People 2010 objective is 75% of US mothers initiating breastfeeding and 25% still breastfeeding their children at 12 months of age by the year 2010. According to the CDC, in North Carolina currently only 61% of babies are breastfed initially and 17.6% are still breastfed at one year, which is below the national average, and falls far short of the recommendations. The statistics for working mothers are far worse. According to one study of employed US mothers who started out breastfeeding, only 58% continued after returning to work from maternity leave, and only 5% were still nursing at 12 months.

Breastfeeding continues to benefit toddlers nutritionally and psychologically. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) states that “Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child… Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother… There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.” (AAP 2005) The World Health Organization (WHO) exceeds the AAP recommendations and advises breastfeeding for at least two years. This goal is difficult enough to meet for working mothers who are separated from their babies for a significant part of the day, without the negative social pressure that you are currently a part of.

2) Breastfeeding is not indecent, and does not need to be hidden from other children or parents

When you ask me to hide my breastfeeding, it makes me feel that you think breastfeeding is dirty, indecent, or shameful (or otherwise why should it be hidden?). It makes me feel that you think my breastfeeding is something to be ashamed of instead of something to be proud of.  Breastfeeding is not obscene, indecent, or impolite. It is a normal, natural, everyday parenting activity and is a way for me to feed, comfort, and bond with my baby.

No parents have come forward to express discomfort with my breastfeeding at daycare as of this time, so removing me and my child from the room is a response to a potential future complaint. Even if others are uncomfortable, you are then putting the prejudicial social mores of those others above the real needs and feelings of myself and my child.

3) My right to breastfeed is protected by the law

North Carolina law gives me the right to breastfeed anywhere I am authorized to be, whether that location is public or private. If you wish to not allow me to breastfeed in the toddler room, then you would have to revoke my authorization to be in that room. This would go against your already existing open-door policy, as stated in the parent manual: “We do have an Open Door Policy for all enrolled families. Once enrolled, parents are allowed, and even encouraged, to participate in their child’s classroom and in Center events.”

North Carolina law states:
N.C. Gen. Stat. sec. 14-190.9
(B) Notwithstanding any other provision of law, a woman may breast feed in any public or private location where she is otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of whether the nipple of the mother’s breast is uncovered during or incidental to the breast feeding.

4) I enjoy being in my daughter’s classroom

Munchkin (18 months) in the toddler room at daycare

One of the things I like about visiting my daughter at lunchtime is that it gives me a chance to talk to her teachers about how her day is going and what activities they are planning. I also have the opportunity to see how the teachers interact with the other children, and this gives me confidence to leave my daughter in their care while I am at work. Breastfeeding her in the infant room instead of in her own classroom would not allow me to have this interaction with her teachers.

5) I want my daughter to feel “at home” at daycare

I want daycare to be a place where my daughter can feel free to be herself as she does at home. This means that I don’t want her to feel excluded or ashamed because she is breastfeeding. I fear that making her move to another room to breastfeed will make her feel that way, especially if she gets the message that breastfeeding is for “babies,” not for “big girls,” and that it is something that she can’t do openly at school.  I believe that you share these ideals, based on your educational philosophy which states: “We believe that young children need to feel safe, be loved and receive positive feedback and attention. We believe that all children need to be encouraged to develop their unique personalities and explore their interests. All children and their families are respected and valued for their differences.”

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I am happy to report that after reading my letter, the daycare director immediately withdrew her previous decision and told me that I was welcome to nurse my daughter in her classroom any time I’d like. I continued to nurse her on my lunch break until she was 21 months old, and the decision to stop at that time was completely mine.

I have been going to La Leche League (LLL) meetings since Munchkin was born, for 5+ years now. I have been to 7 different LLL groups in the area, but most of my time has been spent with the same one, and I have gone to almost every meeting at that group in the last 5 years, missing only when I was out-of-town or sick. I feel very dedicated to this group, and to LLL as an organization. I have been the treasurer of our group for over a year now.

But I am not a Leader. I have considered it many times, but I just never took that step.

Why not? Here are a few of the reasons that are holding me back:

1. I don’t want to be restricted in what I can say at meetings. LLL Leaders represent the organization, and there are times when the Leaders can’t speak on certain topics because of that role. For example, sometimes someone will ask for a recommendation for a doctor, or someone will ask a question about circumcision or another topic. LLL has a pretty strict policy about not mixing causes, and Leaders cannot speak to these topics because they represent the organization. But I can, and I do. I don’t like the idea of being restricted in what I can say. I also wonder who will answer these questions if I cannot, and the other leaders cannot either. Sometimes there are many mothers at a meeting and someone will be there who can speak to those questions, but other times the meetings are small.
2. I don’t really want people calling me at my house. I could probably do a little better as an email contact resource. But my style is more to pick and choose which questions I feel comfortable and qualified to answer and just answer those, leaving other questions to those with experience in that area. I’m not sure I want to be available to all-comers.
3. I don’t really like talking about newborn issues. A lot of the newcomers come to LLL with newborn questions, and I just don’t feel like that is an area that I feel the most knowledgeable or passionate about. It feels like such a small part of my own breastfeeding journey, and so long ago. I think it is hard for me to relate to newborn issues.
4. Some people seem to think of LLL Leaders as a free Lactation Consultant, and I don’t think I want that job. I don’t know that I want the weight of responsibility on my shoulders for someone else’s breastfeeding success or failure. I know that I wouldn’t really be responsible for another’s success in that way, but I fear that I would feel that way. When you are a leader, people look at you with more authority, and that translates to feeling more responsibility. As an active member, I am just a mother giving advice, and I feel very comfortable with that role, but I’m not sure how it would feel different as a leader giving advice.
5. I don’t want to do it just for the sake of doing it. I dropped out of my PhD program because I realized that I was in it just for the degree, not because I actually wanted to do the things that a PhD does. Now I have a Masters degree and a job that I like. I fear that becoming a LLL Leader would be like getting my PhD, that I’d just be doing it to say that I did it, not because I actually want to do the things that a Leader does.

Yep, I've read all of these

Now don’t get me wrong. I pretty much live and breathe breastfeeding. Many people do already consider me an expert and come to me for advice. I pass out breastfeeding advice just about daily, whether in person or online. When I’m not talking or writing about breastfeeding, I’m reading about it. I support the mission and philosophy of LLL. I don’t think I’d mind leading meetings – that doesn’t intimidate me as much as it used to. And I am already involved in a lot of the planning and management part of our group as the treasurer.

Last night I was asked to consider (again) becoming a leader, but I’m just not sure if I want to do it. My leader thinks it would be an easy process for me and that I could get it done in a matter of weeks based on my current experience level (I thought the process would take closer to a year).

But is there a good reason to become a leader vs just being an active member with a group job? I could, perhaps, be swayed!

I hear people say that they want to use bottles so that their husband/partner can bond with baby by feeding the baby a bottle. I’ve heard this as the reason from people who decided to feed formula, people who decided to exclusively pump, and people who decided to breastfeed but give bottles too.

We used a bottle occasionally with Sweets to keep her used to it before she started daycare (Munchkin never took a bottle), but my husband did not feel that it was a bonding experience, just a chore, and we would not have done it if I wasn’t going back to work. Maybe his opinion was formed as a result of having never fed Munchkin a bottle, so he knew he could bond with Sweets without a bottle too. He preferred other activities, such as holding, rocking, bathing, and playing with her for bonding. There are so many ways for a father to bond with his baby besides giving bottles.

Here are a few ideas (Note that mothers can also use all of these techniques, whether breastfeeding or not):

1. Hold baby on your chest



2. Take your shirt off – hold baby skin to skin



3. Sit with knees up and baby facing you on legs



4. Look into baby’s eyes



5. Rock baby



6. Talk to baby



7. Sing to baby



8. Dance with baby



9. Read to baby



10. Play with baby



11. Get down on the floor with baby



12. Kiss and hug baby



13. Touch /caress/cuddle baby



14. Wear baby



15. Go outside with baby



16. Bathe baby



17. Sleep with/near baby



18. Let baby sleep in your arms



19. Change baby’s diaper



20. Feed baby solids (when old enough)



So go ahead and breastfeed, and don’t worry about your partner needing to give baby bottles just in order to bond. Your partner will be able to find many other ways to bond with baby.

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I’m celebrating World Breastfeeding Week with Natural Parents Network!

You can, too — link up your breastfeeding posts from August 1-7 in the linky below, and enjoy reading, commenting on, and sharing the posts collected here and on Natural Parents Network.

(Visit NPN for the code to place on your blog.)

My first daughter, Munchkin, did not take a bottle. Even at daycare, even when I was back to work full-time. It was stressful at first, but it all worked out for us in the end. She reverse cycled and I nursed her on my lunch break. Her daycare teachers offered her bottles daily, though she never did take one.

A friend of mine had the opposite problem – her baby would only take a bottle and wouldn’t latch to the breast. She ended up exclusively pumping, but hated it and wished that her baby could nurse.

My pediatrician told me that “nipple confusion is a myth” but my experience is to the contrary. Obviously, many babies can and do switch between bottle and breast with no problem, but some have a strong preference. And you can’t know if your baby is one who will have a preference until it is too late!

When Sweets was born, I knew that I would be going back to work when she was 4 months old, and I hoped that she would take a bottle while I worked.  Here is what I did do to introduce a bottle until I went back to work, with the intention of avoiding preference for the bottle:

1. I waited until breastfeeding was well-established, about 4-6 weeks, to introduce the bottle for the first time. The breast and the bottle require a different type of mouth/tongue position, and I didn’t want her to develop a poor latch due to confusion with the bottle nipple. Some people suggested that I should start giving her a bottle from day 1 just to be sure she would take it, but I was afraid of nipple confusion/preference, and chose to wait.  I felt that if my baby was going to have a preference, I would rather she take only the breast than only the bottle.
2. I always used a slow-flow bottle nipple. My breasts didn’t come with fast/slow options. I didn’t want my baby to become accustomed to a fast flow bottle and then be frustrated at the slower flow of my breasts.
3. I used a small amount of milk in the bottle, 1-2 oz at home. My goal was not for her to have a full feeding from the bottle at that time – she just needed enough to become accustomed to the bottle. I know that it is easier for a baby to take a larger feeding from a bottle, and I didn’t want to stretch her stomach so that she needed that larger feeding to feel full. Then she might feel unsatisfied from a feeding at the breast. I continued to keep her portions small in daycare too, and never sent bottles with more than 3 oz.
4. I always had someone else, usually my husband, feed her the bottle. I stayed out of the room and used that opportunity to spend some one-on-one time with Munchkin. I never fed her the bottle myself – I wanted her to know that the only option from Mama is nursing.
5. We did not use a bottle every day, but aimed for 2-3 times per week so that she didn’t forget. I think that was the main mistake we made with Munchkin – she took a bottle a few times early on and we thought everything was fine. We went 2 weeks without giving her a bottle, and then she never took one again.We wanted to give Sweets a bottle often enough that she didn’t forget, but not so often that she expected it while at home.

I didn’t enjoy pumping at home, and my husband didn’t enjoy having to feed bottles either. We both found the bottle routine to be very cumbersome, and if I wasn’t going to be going back to work we would not have bothered with the bottle at all. As soon as I went back to work, the one upside was that we never had to give bottles at home anymore!

***

I’m celebrating World Breastfeeding Week with Natural Parents Network!

You can, too — link up your breastfeeding posts from August 1-7 in the linky below, and enjoy reading, commenting on, and sharing the posts collected here and on Natural Parents Network.

(Visit NPN for the code to place on your blog.)

It seems like I hear more stories about mothers being given a hard time for nursing in public in the summertime.  Just in the past month, there was the story about the mom on the bus, the mom at the YMCA, and the mom at Whole Foods.  I posted a link to the Whole Foods story on my personal Facebook page, and a friend commented:

So she was not asked to stop just show some modesty about it… I know I’m probably asking for trouble here but why is that not an acceptable compromise? Personally I have no issue with babies eating where they or the mothers please and take no notice of or issue with BF in public but understand why in a public store a degree of modesty would be requested. Its not like she was exiled to have to do it in a dirty bathroom or asked to leave (which I do think would have been very wrong) rather it seems to me she is looking for a fight. If it was simply that her baby needed to eat then and there she could have done so but acknowledge the request for modesty caused by the discomfort of another shopper. Her right to feed her baby was not taken away.

1. The law is on the side of the nursing mother. There is no legal obligation for her to cover.  In my state, the law reads, “A woman may breast feed in any public or private location where she is otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of whether the nipple of the mother’s breast is uncovered during or incidental to the breast feeding.”
2. The nursing mother has no greater moral obligation to appease the bystander than the bystander has to appease the nursing mother. And it follows that the discomfort of the bystander does not have greater importance than the discomfort of the nursing dyad.
3. Discretion
   

   This wasn't discreet enough for some because her head wasn't covered

   is subjective and means different things to different people, ensuring that it is impossible to mandate.  It can mean anything from covering the nipple to covering all flesh to covering the entire baby.  Whose definition of discretion should be used? The nursing mother should cover to the level that SHE is comfortable with. That choice is up to her and nobody else.
4. Discretion is often used as an excuse when the real problem is with breastfeeding itself. Mothers have been told not to breastfeed their babies in public even when completely covered by a blanket, or otherwise not showing any skin (such as in my case).  It’s not just that those people don’t want to see you breastfeeding, they don’t even want to know you are breastfeeding.
5. Many mothers who are trying to be discreet feel that using a cover draws MORE attention to themselves. It says “Hey! Look at me! I’m nursing under here!” If a mother just casually lifts her shirt, she is likely to draw less attention to herself.
6. Covers can be impractical.  Many babies refuse to be covered and will just pull a cover off anyway. When my baby was little, I wanted to be able to see her and check on her latch.  In the middle of July, in the heat wave we’ve been having, it is too warm to be covering baby’s head unnecessarily anyway.
7. Modesty refers to “Behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency”.  To say that a breastfeeding mother is not modest, says that breastfeeding itself is inherently improper or indecent. When strangers, particularly those with some kind of authority, tell a nursing mother to cover up, they are attaching a negative stigma to breastfeeding. They are implying that there is something dirty, shameful, or wrong about it.
8. Fear of nursing in public is one reason many women cite for weaning early or choosing not to breastfeed at all. In order for breastfeeding to become normalized in our society, we need to remove the stigma that says that breastfeeding is improper.
9. Bottle-feeding should not be socially preferred over breastfeeding.  My wish is that breastfeeding mothers be able to feel comfortable feeding their babies in any place, and with as much “discretion,” as would a bottle feeding mother.  Suggesting that a nursing mother needs to cover up while a bottle-feeding mother would not, implies that bottle-feeding is more appropriate than breastfeeding.
10. It is good for society to see uncovered breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding needs to be seen in order for it to be normalized compared to bottle-feeding.  We also need to see examples of breastfeeding in order to learn it ourselves because we learn by seeing it modeled. I believe that a major reason why mothers today have so many more problems with breastfeeding than they have historically is because they have had little exposure to breastfeeding.

Melissa K. of The New Mommy Files wrote in Prioritizing to Find Balance on the Natural Parents Network

My agreement with a cause does not equate to passion. I think gender-neutral parenting is important, for example, and I strive to raise my child without the pressure to fit into a stereotype. The reality is, however, that I am just not as passionate about that particular issue as I am about working to ensure that all women have the information and support they need to breastfeed their children for as long as is mutually desired.

It’s true: Agreement does not equate to passion.  There are many things that I do as a parent, deliberately and with thought.  But I can’t say that they have all become my passion the way that breastfeeding has.

Sweets on my back in the mei tai

I  have a friend who I would say is passionate about babywearing.  She has many carriers, is active on TheBabyWearer forums and is even a moderator, and she started her own local babywearing club.  I babywear too – I have a few carriers, I have posted before on TBW (though I’m not active), and I attend our local babywearing group regularly.  I have rarely even used a stroller except at somewhere like the zoo!  But I wouldn’t say that babywearing is my passion.  It’s just something that I do.

I know people who are passionate about cloth diapers.  Who use cloth from day one, 24/7, and who want their baby to never have to wear a disposable diaper the way I want my kids to never have to taste formula.  I use cloth diapers on Sweets, though I didn’t on Munchkin.  I use cloth at daycare, when I’m traveling out of the house, and even out of town.  But I use ’sposies overnight.  I am active on DiaperSwappers, though it’s mostly in the breastfeeding forums. I wouldn’t say that cloth diapers are my passion either.

Sweets shows off her fluffy Mutt butt

I know people who are passionate about carseat safety.  Who collect carseats the way some collect baby carriers or cloth diapers!  Who become CPST certified because of their passion.  I practice extended rear-facing and harnessing with my kids.  Munchkin RF until she was over 3.5 years old, and Sweets probably will too.  I have an account on car-seat.org, but I only use it for asking questions to the experts there.  I can’t say that carseats are really my passion either.

Munchkin rear-facing at 3.5+ years old

I know other people who are passionate about circumcision or vaccines or spanking.  And these are just the “mommy” topics!

But breastfeeding is my passion. Why?  I know people who breastfeed and it’s just something that they do.  They aren’t that concerned with exactly how long they are going to breastfeed, or whether they supplement with formula now and then, or societal issues surrounding breastfeeding.  They don’t have a desire to join a group like La Leche League to talk about breastfeeding.  It’s just something that they do and it’s part of their life and that’s it.  What turned breastfeeding from ‘another thing that I do’, to my passion?

I first decided that I would breastfeed when I was in college and I took my first immunology class. I was really interested in immunology, and it is what I later went on to study in graduate school. But that first class as an undergrad is when I first learned about how the immunities transferred in breast milk, and I was really struck by how important that was. I knew then that I would breastfeed. My continuing studies in immunology just reinforced that more.

When I became a parent, I did breastfeed. But in the beginning it was basically because of nutritional and immunological reasons – probably the reasons that a lot of people start out breastfeeding. It was for the milk, the food. As Munchkin got older though, breastfeeding became about more than just the milk for me, it became a way of life, a way of parenting, integral to my relationship with her. If I couldn’t breastfeed a future child for some reason, I feel like I don’t even know how I would parent.  It’s not that I think bottle-feeding parents can’t bond with their babies, but my whole way of life would be different, and honestly I would worry that our bond would not be like what I have with my two breastfed kids. Some see breastfeeding as just another way to transfer milk into a baby, a feeding method – I don’t anymore. It is part of my lifestyle now, part of my whole way of parenting.

Sweets nursing at 2 years old

I never knew that breastfeeding would be so integral to my lifestyle.  I had always thought of it as just a feeding method before.  It made me wonder – why didn’t I know this before?  Why didn’t anyone tell me how life-changing this could be?  It made me want to tell other people about it, to spread the good news, so that others could experience this too!  Someone once compared it to how religious missionaries feel – “My life has been changed for the better! I want to tell everyone about it so that they can experience this too!”

When Munchkin was 5 weeks old, I was told by a store manager that I couldn’t breastfeed her in his store. That set off an anger in me that led me to research my rights, and it led me to a community of other mothers who breastfed too. In that community, I heard stories over and over from women who were told that they couldn’t breastfeed, not only in public, but because of medications they were taking or because they were going back to work or because their baby was low on the growth charts, etc etc.

And over time, I saw that so many of these mothers were really being misled. There are rights to breastfeed in public. You don’t have to choose between breastfeeding and working. There are meds for most conditions that you can find a way to breastfeed with. Babies come in all shapes and sizes – they are not all 50 percentile. I heard so many stories of moms being sabotaged in their efforts to breastfeed.

And still, I hear more stories. Women are told that birth interventions don’t affect breastfeeding rates, that they should send baby to the nursery to get some sleep, that there is no such thing as nipple confusion, that formula is necessary to fix jaundice, that colostrum isn’t enough in baby’s first days. Women are told that they shouldn’t let their baby suck for comfort or they should only nurse every 3 hours or that they should always stick to 15 minutes per side. They are being told that their milk has no value after X months, that they can’t nurse while they are pregnant, that they shouldn’t nurse a toddler. And, they are told that it doesn’t really matter, that formula is just as good.

Because of the health implications of breast milk feeding, but also because of the value that I place in my own nursing relationships with my kids, I feel so frustrated that so many mothers’ nursing relationships are being subverted in this way. It makes me want to dispel the misconceptions and help other women to breastfeed. It has fueled my passion and led me to become a breastfeeding advocate.

What is your passion, and how did it come to be more than just ’something you do’?

I think that Sweets is night-weaning herself.  It’s odd, because this is not how it happened with Munchkin. I got pregnant when Munchkin was 27 months old, and I felt like I had to night-wean her at that time.  Munchkin would just sleep latched on all night!  It was a somewhat long process, but she responded well which helped me feel that she was ready.

Sweets is almost 26 months old, so almost the same age Munchkin was when I night-weaned her, but I haven’t even tried to do anything to encourage night-weaning yet.  She basically started to just sleep through the night without nursing, all on her own!

Our normal routine has been that Sweets would go to bed in her own room around 8pm, and I in mine around 10:30.  At some time in the night, she would wake up and call for me.  I’d go in her room at that point, and sleep in her bed the rest of the night while she nursed at-will.  It was the same with Munchkin, but Munchkin would nurse many times, sometimes almost constantly, when I was next to her.  Sweets typically nursed once in the middle of the night, and then once again soon before it was time to get up.

7am and still asleep!

One day about two weeks ago, she didn’t wake up to nurse at all until 6am.  I was very surprised, and even wondered if she might not be feeling well!  I didn’t expect it to happen again though, and wasn’t surprised when the next night she woke up at 2:30am.  But the 3rd night she slept through again, all the way to 7:30!  The next night she woke, and the next she slept through again.  For the first week, she slept through all the way to morning about half the time or more, and this week she slept through almost every night!  Maybe not all the way to 6:30 (when I get up), but until at least 5am.

I have no idea what prompted this sudden change.  My only guess is that she is having a developmental spurt – she is attempting more words and learning more signs rapidly – and that this spurt is affecting her sleep as well as her vocabulary.  And while I wasn’t trying to night-wean her at this time, I’m certainly not complaining!  She is now only nursing 2-3 times per day on weekdays – when she gets up in the morning, when I get home from work, and sometimes again before bed.  On weekends when we are together all day though, she tends to nurse more often.

I know that many of my peers have babies who will sleep through all night far before a year and would think that it was awful to have a 2 year old still waking to nurse nightly.  And I have other peers with 2+ year olds who really wish for a night without nursing.  But it really hasn’t bothered me so far, which I guess is why I haven’t done anything to discourage Sweets from night-nursing yet.

I recently saw that there is a new children’s book about night-weaning – Nursies When The Sun Shines.  The website claims that it is the first children’s book to focus on night-weaning.  I think that’s a great idea for a book, and I think it’s a brilliant addition for this demographic.  I think it will fill a niche, just as books like Adventures in Tandem Nursing, Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, and Maggie’s Weaning have done.  And I’ll probably end up buying it, even if Sweets night-weans all by herself without intervention, just to have it in our library.

This week at our La Leche League meeting, we had a “Weaning Party” for Munchkin.  I took a few minutes from the meeting and gave her two gifts: a little book that I made her which tells her nursing story with pictures through the years, and a milk pendant necklace.  The necklace has two little hearts that are made from my own milk that I sent to the crafter – Hollyday Designs.  (I also got a matching keychain for myself!)  I also had a balloon and some blueberry muffins to make it a party!

Munchkin’s Little Book of Nursing and Weaning
To Munchkin
By Mommy

Nursing has been a big part of our lives, you and I. At first it was mostly about nourishment, and later mostly about comfort and closeness. Nursing gave us ample opportunities for physical closeness, and I think it brought us very close together emotionally too. It meant that even when we were apart, we were never far from each other’s thoughts. And when we were reunited, nursing allowed us to reconnect physically. For a long time nursing could fix all problems: from general crankiness, to illnesses and wakefulness, to shots and boo-boos. As you got older, you developed new sources of nourishment, new methods of physical closeness, new solutions to problems. And now, you have entered a new stage in your life, where you no longer nurse – now you are weaned. I am glad that I waited for you to come to this stage in your own time. I think that now we are both ready for what comes next in your great life adventure. I will always treasure the memory of our nursing relationship, but now it’s time to move forward.

Your first year (0-1) – The infancy year

This, of course, was the year you were born. My first time nursing a baby. We learned together! During the first half of this year, you grew and were nourished only by my milk! Our biggest challenge was that I went back to work and you didn’t take a bottle! You never wanted an artificial nipple, a bottle or a pacifier – only Mommy. I learned that nobody could take my place, that only I was “mother”. When we were together you nursed often and through the night to make up for the time we were apart, but we were never apart for more than 4 or 5 hours. When we were apart, I pumped my milk to keep up my milk supply, even though you didn’t drink it in bottles.

Your second year (1-2) – The toddler year

When you turned one, I thought you were so big! I was proud to still be nursing you, when so many others didn’t make it that long. One year was always the goal you heard about, from the pediatrician and the baby magazines. But by the time you turned one, I already knew that I wanted to nurse you until at least age two. I still nursed you on my lunch break for most of this year, until the time came when I found that you were falling asleep before I arrived more often than not. When this happened, we would be apart for the longest in your life – an entire workday. You no longer nursed down for sleep, but you still nursed through the night. You requested to nurse by signing MILK, and you called my breasts “na-nas”.

Your third year (2-3) – The pregnancy year

This was the year that I was pregnant with Sweets. You went from nursing 5 times per day to nursing only once per week for about six months. Maybe that’s why I have no pictures of you nursing during this year. There were many times that I was sure you had weaned, or that you were about to wean, but you always asked again – sometimes after two whole weeks! Even when there was no milk, even when it had been weeks since you last nursed, nursing was still important to you. When you did ask to nurse, you would cuddle up and nurse for 30 minutes! I was not sure if I wanted to tandem nurse, but I did know that I didn’t want to end our nursing relationship before you were ready, and so we continued.

Your forth year (3-4) – The tandem year

This was the year that Sweets was born, and you tandem nursed. The three nights I spent in the hospital having Sweets were the first time I had been away from you overnight, and the longest that I have been away from you even now. You learned to share Mommy, and your milk, with your sister. You went back to nursing more frequently when Sweets was born, but shortly after, we started nursing only twice per day as our regular schedule. You had such empathy for your sister – any time she cried, you would tell me, “She needs some Mommy’s Milk!” This year you started spending the night away from home with your grandparents occasionally. You didn’t notice or mind that you didn’t nurse when we were apart – you would just nurse again when you came home.

Your fifth year (4-5) – The weaning year

This was the year that you weaned. You had the opportunity to nurse twice per day, but some days you only chose to nurse once. Other days you didn’t nurse at all. One day you told me that you couldn’t get milk anymore when you nursed by yourself, but you could if you nursed together with Sweets. At this point you started going days and weeks between nursing again, like you had when I was pregnant. But this time, I knew that it wasn’t because of changes in my body – it was you who was changing this time. The last time you nursed was December 30, 2010, but even months later, you did not consider yourself weaned. You told me that you would be weaned when you were five.

And now, in the month of your fifth birthday, we are having a weaning celebration for you, to celebrate this milestone. I am giving you this necklace as a weaning gift, made from my own milk in the shape of two hearts, which symbolizes our two hearts that have been joined together with the bond of nursing. When you wear this necklace, you can always have Mama’s Milk close to your heart. And I am giving you this book, the story of your nursing years, so that you can remember how much it has meant to us both.

Happy Birthday Sweets! Today my Sweets turns two!

Sweets, age 2

That means that I have officially achieved my goal of breastfeeding her for two years! Not that I had any doubt, after nursing Munchkin until she weaned on her own at 4+ years, that I could nurse Sweets for at least two years. But it is nice to meet the milestone!

Last night, we were out to dinner at a restaurant with the extended family. Sweets was starting to get restless by the end of the meal and wanted to run around the restaurant. This wasn’t something that I wanted her to do – I preferred for her to stay quietly at the table. So, I whispered in her ear, “Do you want some milk?” She immediately stopped, cuddled into me, and nursed until we were ready to leave.

Nursing Sweets in public, 14 months

I didn’t even think twice about it at the time, but today it occurred to me – I nursed my 2 year old in public, right there in the restaurant – I didn’t bat an eye, I didn’t think twice! I wonder if anyone noticed? I know my mother-in-law did – I did catch her eye, though I didn’t interpret her glance as disapproving at the time.

Did I feel this comfortable nursing Munchkin in public at this age? I don’t really remember. I know that I nursed her in public at our regular restaurant we went to every other week until she was almost 27 months old, but I think I was starting to feel weird about it around that age. If I had had an alternative at that time, I probably would have taken it. But that was our only chance to nurse all day, between my day job and an evening church meeting that I was going to every other Tuesday. My husband went out of his way to meet me for dinner in-between with Munchkin, so that I could see her, but also so she could nurse. I was nursing her in public at that age, but I was feeling a little self-conscious about it and would have preferred not to.

Nursing Sweets in public, 16 months

With Sweets yesterday, there was no necessity involved. I was even the one who offered to nurse her – she didn’t request it first.  I felt completely comfortable nursing her in public.

I’m sure that there are a few reasons, not the least of which being that I’ve been nursing for 5 years straight and I’m pretty used to doing it in all kinds of company by now! I think that with Sweets, there is also the issue that she feels younger than Munchkin did because of her developmental delay. At this age, Munchkin had a vocabulary of hundreds of words and was talking to me in sentences. Sweets has about 5 words that she says well, and about 50 signs, and if she puts two together it’s a big deal! So she just feels like a much younger baby to me.

I have never really been one who feels uncomfortable nursing in public. In fact, I have felt proud of nursing in public, feeling that I am helping to normalize breastfeeding. I have never used a cover that goes over my child’s head for nursing. I am not too worried about what other people think about me nursing a toddler in public – I think that I’m probably about as likely to encounter an issue regardless of whether I’m nursing a newborn or a toddler. My only experience with someone giving me a hard time for nursing in public was when Munchkin was only 5 weeks old, so it certainly wasn’t related to her age. In the past, I have said that I would always nurse in public without hesitation at least until I felt that my child could physically and emotionally understand the concept of waiting to nurse. Past that, I don’t know, I guess until it doesn’t feel comfortable to me anymore. I wonder when that might be this time around!

Until what age did you feel comfortable nursing in public? And did that change with subsequent kids?

I am a moderator for the forums on Natural Parents Network, and today we are publishing our favorite blog posts from NPN Volunteers.  Enjoy!

• Joella at Fine and Fair discusses her unique perspective of a controversial toy in An Unusual Gripe with Bebe Gloton.
• Amy at Innate Wholeness offers simple tips to be present with family whether you’re having fun and want to soak it up like a sponge or would rather run and hide in a cave.
• Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares sound bites from her miscarriage journey of forgiveness and gratitude.
• Shannon from Pineapples and Artichokes writes about how she is trying to raise her daughter to be accepting of everyone.
• Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses the overuse of the word “no” and offers some aid in finding creative ways to avoid “no.”
• Melissa from The New Mommy Files: Memories, Milestones and Missteps makes a compelling case for instinctual mothering.
• Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro shares a comprehensive list of all the food she keeps on hand.
• Suchada at Mama Eve writes a heartfelt letter chronicling her journey with a difficult transition in Sleep, Crying, and Balancing Closeness with Boundaries.
• Shannon of The ArtsyMama shares her top ten list of things she wishes she had known more about before the birth of her son, Little Man.
• Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings has some helpful insights, tips, and tricks to share for babywearing with twins.
• Julia at A Little Bit of All of It tells the story of how motherhood came to her and how a miscarriage shaped her feelings and perceptions surrounding the birth of her first daughter.
• Emily from Embrita Blogging shares a collection of photos depicting things that make her happy.
• Lauren at Hobo Mama openly discusses an often-sensitive topic: Postpartum sex vs. sex before kids.
• As part of an ongoing series about balance, Amy at Anktangle writes about a daily ritual she has adopted to help her maintain balance in her life.
• Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife is reminded that while the days may sometimes be long, the years are short, and after a rough day the best thing to do is give thanks for the best parts and try again tomorrow.
• Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers 7 Alternatives to Good Job: “Good job’ing” kids can be a mindless habit to fall into. Instead of using a generic “good job,” try one of these ideas to really connect with and nurture your child.
• Darcel at The Mahogany Way has the ultimate boredom busting activity for children of all ages.
• Alicia at Lactation Narration discusses the long journey of child-led weaning, during which she thought several times that her child was weaned before she really was.
• Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children: Letting go of the illusion of control opens up a an entirely new world.
• Luschka at Diary of a First Child talks about the battle between breastfeeding and formula feeding mothers and the industry that stokes the flames of a war on mothers.
• Mary Michael at The Accidental Natural Mama recounts her journey to Mama-hood.
• Sheryl at Little Snowflakes talks about the benefits of nursing a child to sleep.
• Rachael at The Variegated Life meditates on the moment when she first saw herself fully embodying her life as a mother.
• Momma Jorje shares some good news and important information about Lindane and Lice.