Lactation Narration

The latest nursing-in-public scandal involves a mother who was nursing in her gym (Pure Fitness). The gym did not want her to nurse in the child care area because they were concerned about children being exposed to breastfeeding without their parents’ specific consent. (It is interesting to note that no actual parent complaints were noted) The quote from the gym included:

We feel that children should not be exposed to these events without every parent being ok with their child being exposed to the action.

This incident reminded me of my own nursing-at-child care experience.  Munchkin never took a bottle, even when I went back to work full-time. One of the ways that I dealt with that was by nursing her at daycare on my lunch break each day. When Munchkin was 15 months old, she was scheduled to move from the infant room to the toddler room, and I was informed that I would not be able to nurse her in the toddler room at daycare. I was told that if I would like to nurse her, I could bring her into the infant room and nurse there, or into the staff lounge, but they felt that it was inappropriate to expose the toddlers to breastfeeding because some of their parents might object (though there had been no parental complaints at that time). I objected to this decision, and wrote a letter to the director of the center detailing my reasons:

1) Breastfeeding is not just for infants

By requiring a mother to nurse her toddler in the infant room, you are implicitly saying that nursing is an activity that is appropriate only for infants, which is incorrect.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) currently recommends breastfeeding for at least one year because of the associated health benefits to the infant. The US Department of Health and Human Services’ Healthy People 2010 objective is 75% of US mothers initiating breastfeeding and 25% still breastfeeding their children at 12 months of age by the year 2010. According to the CDC, in North Carolina currently only 61% of babies are breastfed initially and 17.6% are still breastfed at one year, which is below the national average, and falls far short of the recommendations. The statistics for working mothers are far worse. According to one study of employed US mothers who started out breastfeeding, only 58% continued after returning to work from maternity leave, and only 5% were still nursing at 12 months.

Breastfeeding continues to benefit toddlers nutritionally and psychologically. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) states that “Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child… Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother… There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.” (AAP 2005) The World Health Organization (WHO) exceeds the AAP recommendations and advises breastfeeding for at least two years. This goal is difficult enough to meet for working mothers who are separated from their babies for a significant part of the day, without the negative social pressure that you are currently a part of.

2) Breastfeeding is not indecent, and does not need to be hidden from other children or parents

When you ask me to hide my breastfeeding, it makes me feel that you think breastfeeding is dirty, indecent, or shameful (or otherwise why should it be hidden?). It makes me feel that you think my breastfeeding is something to be ashamed of instead of something to be proud of.  Breastfeeding is not obscene, indecent, or impolite. It is a normal, natural, everyday parenting activity and is a way for me to feed, comfort, and bond with my baby.

No parents have come forward to express discomfort with my breastfeeding at daycare as of this time, so removing me and my child from the room is a response to a potential future complaint. Even if others are uncomfortable, you are then putting the prejudicial social mores of those others above the real needs and feelings of myself and my child.

3) My right to breastfeed is protected by the law

North Carolina law gives me the right to breastfeed anywhere I am authorized to be, whether that location is public or private. If you wish to not allow me to breastfeed in the toddler room, then you would have to revoke my authorization to be in that room. This would go against your already existing open-door policy, as stated in the parent manual: “We do have an Open Door Policy for all enrolled families. Once enrolled, parents are allowed, and even encouraged, to participate in their child’s classroom and in Center events.”

North Carolina law states:
N.C. Gen. Stat. sec. 14-190.9
(B) Notwithstanding any other provision of law, a woman may breast feed in any public or private location where she is otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of whether the nipple of the mother’s breast is uncovered during or incidental to the breast feeding.

4) I enjoy being in my daughter’s classroom

Munchkin (18 months) in the toddler room at daycare

One of the things I like about visiting my daughter at lunchtime is that it gives me a chance to talk to her teachers about how her day is going and what activities they are planning. I also have the opportunity to see how the teachers interact with the other children, and this gives me confidence to leave my daughter in their care while I am at work. Breastfeeding her in the infant room instead of in her own classroom would not allow me to have this interaction with her teachers.

5) I want my daughter to feel “at home” at daycare

I want daycare to be a place where my daughter can feel free to be herself as she does at home. This means that I don’t want her to feel excluded or ashamed because she is breastfeeding. I fear that making her move to another room to breastfeed will make her feel that way, especially if she gets the message that breastfeeding is for “babies,” not for “big girls,” and that it is something that she can’t do openly at school.  I believe that you share these ideals, based on your educational philosophy which states: “We believe that young children need to feel safe, be loved and receive positive feedback and attention. We believe that all children need to be encouraged to develop their unique personalities and explore their interests. All children and their families are respected and valued for their differences.”

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I am happy to report that after reading my letter, the daycare director immediately withdrew her previous decision and told me that I was welcome to nurse my daughter in her classroom any time I’d like. I continued to nurse her on my lunch break until she was 21 months old, and the decision to stop at that time was completely mine.

I have been going to La Leche League (LLL) meetings since Munchkin was born, for 5+ years now. I have been to 7 different LLL groups in the area, but most of my time has been spent with the same one, and I have gone to almost every meeting at that group in the last 5 years, missing only when I was out-of-town or sick. I feel very dedicated to this group, and to LLL as an organization. I have been the treasurer of our group for over a year now.

But I am not a Leader. I have considered it many times, but I just never took that step.

Why not? Here are a few of the reasons that are holding me back:

1. I don’t want to be restricted in what I can say at meetings. LLL Leaders represent the organization, and there are times when the Leaders can’t speak on certain topics because of that role. For example, sometimes someone will ask for a recommendation for a doctor, or someone will ask a question about circumcision or another topic. LLL has a pretty strict policy about not mixing causes, and Leaders cannot speak to these topics because they represent the organization. But I can, and I do. I don’t like the idea of being restricted in what I can say. I also wonder who will answer these questions if I cannot, and the other leaders cannot either. Sometimes there are many mothers at a meeting and someone will be there who can speak to those questions, but other times the meetings are small.
2. I don’t really want people calling me at my house. I could probably do a little better as an email contact resource. But my style is more to pick and choose which questions I feel comfortable and qualified to answer and just answer those, leaving other questions to those with experience in that area. I’m not sure I want to be available to all-comers.
3. I don’t really like talking about newborn issues. A lot of the newcomers come to LLL with newborn questions, and I just don’t feel like that is an area that I feel the most knowledgeable or passionate about. It feels like such a small part of my own breastfeeding journey, and so long ago. I think it is hard for me to relate to newborn issues.
4. Some people seem to think of LLL Leaders as a free Lactation Consultant, and I don’t think I want that job. I don’t know that I want the weight of responsibility on my shoulders for someone else’s breastfeeding success or failure. I know that I wouldn’t really be responsible for another’s success in that way, but I fear that I would feel that way. When you are a leader, people look at you with more authority, and that translates to feeling more responsibility. As an active member, I am just a mother giving advice, and I feel very comfortable with that role, but I’m not sure how it would feel different as a leader giving advice.
5. I don’t want to do it just for the sake of doing it. I dropped out of my PhD program because I realized that I was in it just for the degree, not because I actually wanted to do the things that a PhD does. Now I have a Masters degree and a job that I like. I fear that becoming a LLL Leader would be like getting my PhD, that I’d just be doing it to say that I did it, not because I actually want to do the things that a Leader does.

Yep, I've read all of these

Now don’t get me wrong. I pretty much live and breathe breastfeeding. Many people do already consider me an expert and come to me for advice. I pass out breastfeeding advice just about daily, whether in person or online. When I’m not talking or writing about breastfeeding, I’m reading about it. I support the mission and philosophy of LLL. I don’t think I’d mind leading meetings – that doesn’t intimidate me as much as it used to. And I am already involved in a lot of the planning and management part of our group as the treasurer.

Last night I was asked to consider (again) becoming a leader, but I’m just not sure if I want to do it. My leader thinks it would be an easy process for me and that I could get it done in a matter of weeks based on my current experience level (I thought the process would take closer to a year).

But is there a good reason to become a leader vs just being an active member with a group job? I could, perhaps, be swayed!

I hear people say that they want to use bottles so that their husband/partner can bond with baby by feeding the baby a bottle. I’ve heard this as the reason from people who decided to feed formula, people who decided to exclusively pump, and people who decided to breastfeed but give bottles too.

We used a bottle occasionally with Sweets to keep her used to it before she started daycare (Munchkin never took a bottle), but my husband did not feel that it was a bonding experience, just a chore, and we would not have done it if I wasn’t going back to work. Maybe his opinion was formed as a result of having never fed Munchkin a bottle, so he knew he could bond with Sweets without a bottle too. He preferred other activities, such as holding, rocking, bathing, and playing with her for bonding. There are so many ways for a father to bond with his baby besides giving bottles.

Here are a few ideas (Note that mothers can also use all of these techniques, whether breastfeeding or not):

1. Hold baby on your chest



2. Take your shirt off – hold baby skin to skin



3. Sit with knees up and baby facing you on legs



4. Look into baby’s eyes



5. Rock baby



6. Talk to baby



7. Sing to baby



8. Dance with baby



9. Read to baby



10. Play with baby



11. Get down on the floor with baby



12. Kiss and hug baby



13. Touch /caress/cuddle baby



14. Wear baby



15. Go outside with baby



16. Bathe baby



17. Sleep with/near baby



18. Let baby sleep in your arms



19. Change baby’s diaper



20. Feed baby solids (when old enough)



So go ahead and breastfeed, and don’t worry about your partner needing to give baby bottles just in order to bond. Your partner will be able to find many other ways to bond with baby.

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I’m celebrating World Breastfeeding Week with Natural Parents Network!

You can, too — link up your breastfeeding posts from August 1-7 in the linky below, and enjoy reading, commenting on, and sharing the posts collected here and on Natural Parents Network.

(Visit NPN for the code to place on your blog.)

My first daughter, Munchkin, did not take a bottle. Even at daycare, even when I was back to work full-time. It was stressful at first, but it all worked out for us in the end. She reverse cycled and I nursed her on my lunch break. Her daycare teachers offered her bottles daily, though she never did take one.

A friend of mine had the opposite problem – her baby would only take a bottle and wouldn’t latch to the breast. She ended up exclusively pumping, but hated it and wished that her baby could nurse.

My pediatrician told me that “nipple confusion is a myth” but my experience is to the contrary. Obviously, many babies can and do switch between bottle and breast with no problem, but some have a strong preference. And you can’t know if your baby is one who will have a preference until it is too late!

When Sweets was born, I knew that I would be going back to work when she was 4 months old, and I hoped that she would take a bottle while I worked.  Here is what I did do to introduce a bottle until I went back to work, with the intention of avoiding preference for the bottle:

1. I waited until breastfeeding was well-established, about 4-6 weeks, to introduce the bottle for the first time. The breast and the bottle require a different type of mouth/tongue position, and I didn’t want her to develop a poor latch due to confusion with the bottle nipple. Some people suggested that I should start giving her a bottle from day 1 just to be sure she would take it, but I was afraid of nipple confusion/preference, and chose to wait.  I felt that if my baby was going to have a preference, I would rather she take only the breast than only the bottle.
2. I always used a slow-flow bottle nipple. My breasts didn’t come with fast/slow options. I didn’t want my baby to become accustomed to a fast flow bottle and then be frustrated at the slower flow of my breasts.
3. I used a small amount of milk in the bottle, 1-2 oz at home. My goal was not for her to have a full feeding from the bottle at that time – she just needed enough to become accustomed to the bottle. I know that it is easier for a baby to take a larger feeding from a bottle, and I didn’t want to stretch her stomach so that she needed that larger feeding to feel full. Then she might feel unsatisfied from a feeding at the breast. I continued to keep her portions small in daycare too, and never sent bottles with more than 3 oz.
4. I always had someone else, usually my husband, feed her the bottle. I stayed out of the room and used that opportunity to spend some one-on-one time with Munchkin. I never fed her the bottle myself – I wanted her to know that the only option from Mama is nursing.
5. We did not use a bottle every day, but aimed for 2-3 times per week so that she didn’t forget. I think that was the main mistake we made with Munchkin – she took a bottle a few times early on and we thought everything was fine. We went 2 weeks without giving her a bottle, and then she never took one again.We wanted to give Sweets a bottle often enough that she didn’t forget, but not so often that she expected it while at home.

I didn’t enjoy pumping at home, and my husband didn’t enjoy having to feed bottles either. We both found the bottle routine to be very cumbersome, and if I wasn’t going to be going back to work we would not have bothered with the bottle at all. As soon as I went back to work, the one upside was that we never had to give bottles at home anymore!

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I’m celebrating World Breastfeeding Week with Natural Parents Network!

You can, too — link up your breastfeeding posts from August 1-7 in the linky below, and enjoy reading, commenting on, and sharing the posts collected here and on Natural Parents Network.

(Visit NPN for the code to place on your blog.)