Lactation Narration

I consider myself somewhat of an expert in breastfeeding.  Granted, I’m a lay expert.  I’m not an IBCLC or even any other kind of lactation consultant/counselor/educator/etc. I’m not a La Leche Leage leader either (though I am the treasurer for our group).  But I have spent a lot of time breastfeeding and talking about breastfeeding and writing about breastfeeding and thinking about breastfeeding.

I have personally been breastfeeding for almost 5 years, with no end in sight.  I have breastfed while working full-time, with one baby who wouldn’t take a bottle and one who did.  Considering both kids, I pumped at work for 25 months. Neither of my kids ever had a drop of formula.  I have nursed in public – in stores and restaurants, in parks and playgrounds, in daycares and doctors’ offices, in church and at weddings.  I have had people tell me that I had to stop breastfeeding or move elsewhere to do so, and I have had friends and family ask me in advance not to breastfeed at certain gatherings.  I nursed through pregnancy and tandem nursed.  I have nursed during babyhood, toddlerhood, and pre-school years, up to child-led weaning.

I’m not an LLL leader, but I have been to almost 100 LLL meetings with 7 different LLL groups over the past 5 years.  I know several LLL leaders personally, and some others more casually.  I estimate that I have met ~300 moms at these meetings; I’ve heard their stories and have given advice.

As a member of LLL, I have also subscribed to New Beginnings magazine, and more recently, Breastfeeding Today.  I also have a subscription to Mothering Magazine.  Each of these is full of mothers’ stories and information about breastfeeding.  I have read at least 10 books about breastfeeding, including The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, The New Mother’s Guide to Breastfeeding, The Nursing Mother’s Companion, Nursing Mother, Working Mother, The Complete Book of Breastfeeding, The Nursing Mother’s Guide to Weaning, How Weaning Happens, Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, Adventures in Tandem Nursing, and Immunobiology of Human Milk, as well as other books that are primarily on another topic but which also discuss breastfeeding issues (The No Cry Sleep Solution, The Baby Book).

I am active online on message board forums, where I have written ~2000 posts on ~1500 threads about breastfeeding over the last 5 years, which averages to about one per day. That is hundreds of mothers that I have “talked” to and advised about breastfeeding.  I have read even more mothers’ stories online that I didn’t have the time or inclination to respond to.  I am a moderator on the Natural Parents Network forums.

I follow breastfeeding blogs.  Heck, I write one!  I follow breastfeeding interest groups and people on Twitter and Facebook, and my Facebook profile is full of breastfeeding stories and articles to share.

I have written letters to my elected officials.  I have attended a nurse-in.  I have lobbied to get a lactation room in my workplace (and won).

I work as a bench scientist in immunology, so I work on B cells and antibodies. I work on leukemia, not anything really related to breastfeeding, but I am familiar with the basic immunological properties of breastmilk.  Sometimes I fantasize about working in a lab that studies lactation immunology. Sometimes I fantasize about getting a degree in public health from the Carolina Breastfeeding Institute too.

People at work know me as a breastfeeding resource.  Co-workers routinely ask my advice, and I have recruited several of them to the nearby LLL evening meeting.  I have had strangers at work email me for advice because they have heard, due to the lactation room effort, that I am an expert.  My boss asked me to email his friend’s daughter because she was having trouble breastfeeding.  And I have helped these people. My boss’ friends’ daughter emailed me back a month later thanking me, because she had seen multiple lactation consultants and doctors, but it was my advice that turned out to make the difference for her.  My co-worker told me that I was her breastfeeding superhero of support!

So, with all that said, WHY can’t I get people in my own immediate family to listen to my advice about breastfeeding?  Why do they insist on following awful advice from their hairdresser’s sister’s kids’ teacher instead of listening to me?  It is very frustrating to me that strangers, acquaintences, and co-workers want my help and advice, but not my own family.  Why can’t I help the people who I care most about with the thing that I am passionate about?

Munchkin insists that she’s not weaned. She doesn’t care that the last time she nursed was over a month ago. It doesn’t mean she is weaned. Last night, while I was reading her story, she slyly unbuttoned my shirt and peered inside. Our conversation went something like this:

Munchkin, 4 years old, and me

Munchkin: Can I have some Mommy’s milk?
Me: You want Mommy’s milk? You haven’t had any in a long time. I thought you were weaned.
Munchkin: I’m NOT weaned!
Me: Oh, I just thought maybe you were, because you haven’t had Mommy’s milk in weeks and weeks.
Munchkin: NO, I’m NOT weaned!
Me: Oh, okay, that’s okay.
Munchkin: When I’m five, then I will be weaned. But I’m not five, I’m still four. So that means I’m NOT weaned.
Me: Well, you could be weaned now, if you wanted, even though you are still four. Would you like to be weaned? It’s okay, even when you are four.
Munchkin: NO, I will be weaned when I’m FIVE. When I have my birthday, then I will be five, and I will be weaned.
Me: Really? What happens special when you are five, that means you will wean then?
Munchkin: Then I will go to kindergarten.
Me: What does that have to do with weaning?
Munchkin: Kindergarten is different from preschool. When I’m in kindergarten I will be weaned.
Me: Oh, okay.
Munchkin: So I want some Mommy’s milk.
Me: So, let me ask you something else first. What makes you want Mommy’s milk tonight?
Munchkin: I’m not weaned, so I can still have it.
Me: I know, but you haven’t wanted Mommy’s milk in weeks and weeks. Why do you want it tonight, but you didn’t want it yesterday, or the day before, or the day before that? Do you know what I mean?
Munchkin: Well, on those days I was already full, but today I’m not, so I need some Mommy’s milk.
Me: Are you thirsty or hungry? Would you like some water instead? Or a cup of milk? Or chocolate milk?…
Munchkin: CHOCOLATE MILK!!!
Me: Would you rather have chocolate milk instead of Mommy’s milk? Or do you still want Mommy’s milk?
Munchkin: I want chocolate milk! Let’s go!
Me: Okay, we can do that.

So we went downstairs and she drank a cup of chocolate milk and ate a banana while I read her story. She didn’t have Mommy’s milk. She hasn’t had it in 5+ weeks. But she’s NOT weaned. Don’t even suggest it!

I wonder if being a nursling is part of her identity that she’s not ready to give up yet, even if she’s not nursing anymore.  For me, I’m not giving up my identity as a nursing mother yet, because I’m still nursing Sweets and expect to be for a long while still.  I think that in that way it will be much harder for me when Sweets weans, because I will be losing that part of my identity which has been so important to me for the past 5 years (and a few more years yet to come).  But as Munchkin weans, I am not losing my identity as a nursing mother, only my identity as a tandem nursing mother.  Maybe it’s harder right now for her to give up the idea of nursing than it is to give up nursing itself.